The Big Old Oak Tree

85 Questions from "The Nature of Existence"

2011-04-08T18:38:00.006-05:00

My friend Rob recently told me about a film project called The Nature of Existence. A fellow went around the world asking eighty five "big questions" to various folks; religious leaders, folks on the religious fringe, philosophers, scientists, artists, regular folks. It looks like a really neat film. How he didn't get around to asking me the questions, I can't imagine. To correct this glaring omission, I decided to answer all the questions myself. In fact, if you read this post, you probably don't have to watch the movie.

I'm kidding, of course. What struck me about the questions is that they all raise issues that I've looked into at least a little bit in the fourteen years since I started taking an interest in my religious life. I bet if you're reading this blog, you've probably put some thought into these questions, too.

If you had asked me these same questions when I was eighteen, my answers would have been really different, and probably a little insane. If you had asked me these questions just two or three years ago, my answers would have been different than they are now. I'm putting a note on my Google calendar for two years from today to answer these questions again. My plan is to answer the questions without reading the answers I've typed out here, and then compare them. If you'd like, you can join me in this endeavor. I'd suggest answering the questions yourself before reading my answers (if you feel like reading my answers at all, that is). Also, I suspect that my answers to these questions would be different even just a few months from now; some answers might change completely, and other answers would emphasize different themes.

Some folks might say that the radical changes in my answers over the past fourteen years is an indication of my lack of direction, my lack of commitment, my lack of true understanding, or even my depravity. They may be right, though I doubt it. In my view, I'm just doing the best I can.

Reading through my answers, I doubt that these would be considered "orthodox Buddhist" answers (whatever that might mean), and I'm ok with that. Anyway, I don't pretend that these answers are authoritative.

Up next on the The Big Old Oak Tree... THE PRECEPTS ARE SUBVERSIVE.

Without further ado, here's what I think about a bunch of stuff...

EXISTENCE

Why do we exist?

I'm not comfortable answering this question for others. I have an idea of why I exist, but I feel like there is something kind of authoritarian about telling others why they exist. I exist to become more wholly myself; that is, to take my place in the midst of this unfolding universe.

What is the best thing about existing?

The best thing about existing is knowing that everything is given as a gift, and feeling a sense of gratitude about this.

What is our purpose?

See my answer to the first question.

Is the world a better place for having had humans in it?

The world is a better place for having some humans in it. Industrial civilization, created by humans, makes waste that cannot be food for other living creatures (this is also known as poison), which makes the world worse off. Uncivilized (aka, primitive, native, indigenous, land-based) cultures make waste that can be food for other living creatures, which actually contributes to the web of life.

How can we improve humanity?

Humanity does not need to be improved, but we need a radical shift in our culture. We can start off by breaking our identification with the culture that is destroying the planet, strengthening our identification with the living planet, actively resisting the forces that are destroying the planet, and rapidly down-shifting the industrial growth culture.

What is the best advice or philosophy for living?

Love deeply, and defend what you love. Ha! I just made that up!

RELIGION

What is religion?

Religion is a work of imagination that attempts to meaningfully interpret human life.

Why are there multiple religions?

There are different religions because different people have different ways of thinking, imagining, and experiencing.

Should religions be challenged?

No! They should be unquestioningly followed! I'm kidding. Of course they should be challenged! Especially when they get out of line.

Is skepticism a good thing?

Sure! It's always good to use our critical thinking faculties.

Why do people get angry when their beliefs are challenged?

People get angry when their beliefs are challenged because they strongly identify with those beliefs, so challenging those beliefs can feel like a personal attack.

Which religion is right?

The Suzuki Roshi lineage of the correctly transmitted buddhadharma of Ehei Dogen Zenji, specifically as taught by Sjoun Mel Weitsman Roshi, abbot of Berkeley Zen Center, and his disciples. Ha! Kidding again. That's my lineage, by the way. The religion that encourages us to experience our lives in a wholehearted and tender manner is right.

Can all religions be correct?

I think if all religions (or religious people?) took themselves with a grain of salt and saw that they are imaginative projects, then yes! However, as long as they are presented and approached as actual descriptions of how the world is, then no.

What does fear have to do with belief?

EVERYTHING. If we had no fear, I doubt we would have any need for belief.

Do we have a need to believe in something?

Nope. See above.

What is spirituality?

Spirituality is many things. It's a way for people to feel warm and fuzzy. It's a set of practices and beliefs for people to justify avoiding their life. It's a way of living to cultivate an open heart.

SCIENCE

Can religion and science coexist?

Apparently so! They haven't wiped each other out yet.

What’s the difference between religion and science?

Science is a way of gathering data about measurable aspects of the world, and religion isn't.

Can a religion change with society?

If you can find a religion that hasn't changed with society, I'll give you a nickel.

Was man (sic) created or did he evolve?

I think it's pretty clear that humans have evolved. I see no reason to believe in a creator. For what it's worth, my good friend Rev. Koji Dreher told me that belief in a creator god is listed by the Buddha as an incorrect view in one of his (or rather, Buddhist scriptures') lists of such things.

GOD

Is there a God?

I highly doubt it.

What is the definition of God?

There doesn't seem to be one definition, even among experts. Most people seem to be talking about some all-powerful and all-loving entity with many of the characteristics of a person. Other folks define God in such a way that even I might be considered a believer, but if you define God in a way that is mostly unrecognizeable to practically everyone in your culture, I think maybe you should use another word besides "God."

What gives you certainty in your belief?

I don't feel like I need certainty in this area. However, I used to believe in God, and now I don't (or, at least, I don't live my life as if there is a God), and I feel like I'm much better off this way. :)

How do you deal with doubt?

Healthy doubt is a fine thing that encourages us to go deeper in our spiritual practice. There's also corrosive doubt, which tends to hold us back from opening our hearts. This kind doubt often resolves itself if you stay close to it, and talk to some good spiritual friends.

Who created God?

People! Probably powerful male people. There are two mourning doves in the tree outside my window, and they are totally doing it. Spring is here!

Is God male or female?

In Texas, God is male.

What does God need from us?

If we stopped believing in God, there wouldn't be a God, so I guess God needs us to believe in him? If I am wrong, and there really is a God, then I can't imagine how he could need anything from us.

Who is/are the Messiah(s)?

I'm not going to bother with this one.

Who is the Devil?

The Devil is a character in a fairy tale. :P

FAITH

What is faith?

I really like how Francis Cook defines faith in his my favorite Dharma bok, How to Raise an Ox,

...commit oneself utterly to practicing the Way, but in the understanding that it is not oneself who is carrying out the practice. Thus, when one site in formal zazen, it is not the self, individual "X", who site, but the Buddha who sits in zazen. The gradual clarification of one's experience as a result of zazen is not the result of the individual's clarifying and spiritualizing his own mind, but is the Buddha being a Buddha; that is, it is the Buddha who is realizing Buddhahood, as Dogen says. And this begins to happen when we completely abandon our own efforts and trust completely in our true nature which is the Buddha. This is where faith comes in.

What is a fact?

A fact is something that can be verified. Of course, everything is more complicated than we know...

How can we tell which is which?

Given what I just wrote, I'm not sure this question applies.

TRUTH

What is truth?

Truth is the actual world.

How do we determine truth?

We can determine the truth through careful, clear-minded, and open-hearted investigation. This is an arduous process.

Which truth is right?

Truth is the actual world.

SCRIPTURE

Is the holy-book(s) literally true?

Nope. However, this is like asking, "Is Walt Whitman's Leaves of Grass literally true?" The question doesn't really apply. If one does apply the question of literal truth to religious scriptures, however, the answer is quite often, and quite obviously, "Nope."

What is the origin of the holy book(s)?

People wrote them down, made them up, cobbled them together, et cetera.

How do we accept a holy book that positively portrays unacceptable behaviors like slavery, incest, murder, etc.?

I "accept" the Bible or the Lotus Sutra in that I accept that it exists and that it is held in high regard by certain people and communities. If we're talking about "accepting" in the sense of "living our lives by it," then it is more complicated. There seem to be at least four ways of going about this. One way is to engage in all sorts of intellectual and pseudo-intellectual gymnastics to show that something else is actually happening, when your book reads like your holy and loving God smiles on his people committing genocide. Another way is to face up to the fact that your holy book is the product of the past and the people of that past and, therefor, it at least occasionally expresses some values that we in our modern sensibilities find deplorable. Thirdly, one can just gloss over it, ignore it, not pay any attention to it. Lastly, and most insanely, one can embrace it and be like, "Genocide is ok when God says it is ok."

Can we take what we like about a religion/belief system and make our own version and throw out the rest?

People seem to be doing this all the time, and I haven't heard of any of them being struck dead by lightning bolts. But when does it become something different than the tradition one is picking and choosing from? I'm not sure how to draw this line, or if it's important to draw this line.

MORALITY

What is morality?

Morality is how we conform, or don't conform, to moral standards. Generally, we make these standards up. However, our minds and bodies are such that we can recognize the positive and negative results of certain behaviors, and I think we might be able to make some vague generalizations about morality from that.

Is there a moral yardstick that applies to all cultures?

I don't even think there is a moral yardstick that applies to this moment and the next. That said, that which contributes to the flourishing of life can be considered "morally right," and that which stifles the flourishing of life can be considered "morally wrong."

Where does morality, or our “conscience,” comes from?

I'd be willing to bet that it largely comes from our culture. However, I also think that we have a natural inclination towards kindness, gratitude, compassion, etc.

Is altruism or morality possible without belief in a deity?

Yes, quite obviously. Decent behavior seems to have very little to do with such beliefs.

SIN

What is sin?

Sin seems to be whatever those in power say it is. I wouldn't use the term "sin" in my discourse, but if I really had to define it, I might say that sin is whatever causes needless suffering for oneself or others.

What is the punishment for sin?

I don't think there is a "punishment" for "sin." Thoughts, words, and deeds have repercussions, and that's good enough. The idea that a holy God demands/expects/commands a certain mode of behavior and that he will eternally punish those who don't live in that manner is pernicious and has caused immeasurable and needless suffering. We'd do well to wipe it out.

Is thought the same as deed?

No. That's why we call one "thought" and one "deed." They interact, but they are not the same.

Does God want to test us? Why?

I have trouble imagining what this question means.

SEX

Should a person have sex before marriage?

YES. Ha! I kid. It depends who this/these theoretical person/s is/are.

Is masturbation a sin?

Of course not. It's a natural and normal bodily function.

What determines sexual orientation?

I don't know. It's never occurred to me to question or experiment with my sexual orientation, which makes me suspect I was just born this way. Plenty of my gay friends feel the same way about their orientation, and they too suspect they were born that way. Maybe it's different for some people?

Why is God interested in our sexual behavior?

Sir, are you implying that God is some kind of lecherous old pervert?! I can't imagine why God would be interested in our sexual behavior more than the rest of our behavior. If God exists and he has a center of consciousness and he's concerned about our well-being, then I guess he would be interested in our sexual behavior b/c it has the potential for causing suffering and well-being.

Should women be treated differently than men?

Women should be treated however they want to be treated (with respect, I'm told), just like men.

FREE WILL

Do we have free will?

Within the confines of this moment, yes. If you want to know more about this, read some Alfred North Whitehead.

Is everything predetermined?

Not everything. I suppose you could say that it is predetermined that I will someday die. But whatever happens between now and then seems largely left up to chance, my choices, and countless other influences.

What entity predetermines fate or destiny?

Ha!

SUFFERING

Why is there suffering?

I should have this answer down pat! Oh well... Suffering comes from the root confusion that sets up a self that is separate from anything else.

What is best path to happiness?

What a fine question! This is the best one so far. At the risk of sounding "Zen," I think the best path to happiness is to spend your life gently asking yourself this question. Alternately, there's the eightfold path, and there's also taking up various practices to deepen your warm-hearted feeling for others.

Does God intercede in human tragedies?

Do humans intercede in God tragedies? This question, like many others here, presupposes a cosmology and other assumptions that I no longer find meaningful.

PRAYER

Does prayer work?

I think it depends on what you are praying for.

If so, why does God allow holocausts, and disasters?

Occam's razor holds that we should tend towards simpler theories; theories which do not require us to take on new presuppositions.

If not, why pray?

This is like asking, Why play? Prayer is something that humans do. I'm not sure that we can escape it.

Does meditation work?

In my experience, yes!

How does meditation work?

As one brings attention to the stripped-down experience of sitting up straight, and lets go of conceptual thought, it becomes a habit.

SOUL

What is a soul?

A soul is a kind of magic nugget of somebody that is said to live on after you die. I don't believe in the soul. In fact, the concept of soul betrays a rather pernicious duality that has often been used to justify human's destruction of wilderness and wild peoples. We would probably do well to get over this duality and start identifying instead with the actual world. I like to think I've got soul, though. :-)

Do animals have souls?

To say that humans have souls but that animals do not is anthropocentric nonsense.

Does a soul have the same thoughts and feelings when outside the body?

Such nonsense!

If a soul does not carry our memories, then what is a soul since it is our memories that make us up?

Who says our memories make us up?

What purpose does a brain serve if a soul can exist and feel without it?

This questions makes my brain hurt.

AFTERLIFE

Is there an afterlife?

Yeah, probably. Finding my place in the vast web of all life, I have trouble imagining that this one life is all there is. I can't really bring myself to believe that "I" will "go to heaven/hell," or be "reborn" as another guy or a cat or something.

Where is it? Where do we go after death? Why do we need an afterlife?

If it's anywhere, it's in this world (which is much more complicated than we can imagine). I don't think we need an afterlife. Well, maybe some people do. I try not to live as if there is, or isn't, an afterlife.

LIFE

When does life begin?

Right now! When else?

When should abortion be allowed?

I'm not touching this with a ten-foot pole.

Is it ever appropriate to kill another person?

Tecumseh, and others like him, killed as many white people as he could, and I think that was quite appropriate. So, yes.

SUPERNATURAL

What are supernatural beliefs?

I guess supernatural beliefs are beliefs that have to do with stuff that is above or beyond this world. I try not to bother with them, as I suspect that they are part of our culture's tendency to devalue the actual world.

Are there extraterrestrials?

Of course! Yay!

Who are they?

Weirdos from another planet!

Do psychics work, and if you are religious, are they allowed?

I don't know if psychics work or not. I do know that our minds and this world are much more complicated than we know. As far as I know, my tradition doesn't have any rules about psychics being "allowed" or not. However, going to see a psychic seems kind of fear-based to me.

Where do the voices in our heads come from?

Our brain likes to keep busy.

DOOMSDAY

Will there be a doomsday?

If we keep going the way we are, you betcha. I prefer a phrase more along the lines of "global economic, political, cultural, and ecological collapse" to "doomsday," however. Our culture is not sustainable, which means it cannot be sustained.

What is the greatest danger facing man’s existence?

Industrial civilization. If it isn't stopped, it will continue destroying the world that we are completely and utterly dependent upon.

How do we stop conflict?

As long as there are two people on the planet, there will be at least a little conflict. I think a more important question is, How can we deal with conflict? Listening and being flexible would be a good start.

Should different cultures be preserved, or are our cultural differences the source of strife?

Oh, my goodness! Different cultures should most definitely be preserved! Living in different bioregions requires different ways of life. The staggering diversity of forms and ways of life on this planet is what makes it such a wonderful, strong place! A major source of strife is our culture's insistence on homogeneity.

Should political leaders invoke a deity in decisions or policy?

I really wish they would stop that. God agrees with their point of view? How convenient!

That was fun.

What I Got Out of Zen Practice

2011-03-24T18:20:00.000-05:00

Hello again, everyone! I'm sure you've all noticed the lack of blogular activities from your favorite, go-to website for Zen practice and spirituality. I've just not been feeling particularly creative in this part of my life. I'm still engaged with the practice, but I've just not been thinking about it in ways that are well-suited for me to write stuff. This post will be about myself, mostly... so I'm sure you'll find it utterly fascinating.

Odilon Redon (1840-1916), Buddha, Musee d'Orsay

Recently a fellow I know on Facebook, Brian, posted the following:

so... i've been placed on several, spiritual and zen/buddhist "closed groups" here on facebook which is fine. Yet most of the comments seem like they are from beginning students.
how many of my friends have practiced over five years ?

Brian maintains the always-entertaining blog, Fuke: a new alliance of Dharma artists.

A bunch of folks responded. The conversation turned to questions of whether or not it matters how long one has been practicing, and what lengthy practice actually leads to anyway. My favorite comment was from Robert:

i've been practising being an idiot for 55 years

Keep at it, Robert! Be the best, full-on idiot you can be!

I counted up my years of Zen practice. Let's see, I got started in January of 2004 in Pittsburgh, and really took to it right from the start... Wait, was that 2004? When did I move to Tassajara? April of 2004. Yeah, so it was January of 2004. So 2004 to 2005 was one year... [counting on my fingers] 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011. [I find it hard to math in my head sometimes.] Wow. Seven years? Is that right?! I counted again, and it is indeed right.

Seven years! I've been feeling my age lately. I hung out with a young lady recently who was a senior in high school when 9/11 happened. I was like, HEY! How old are you!? I was in grad school on 9/11! and she was all, I'm 27! September 11th was like 10 years ago! and then I was like, Wait... What year is this? Weird, huh? (We're going to see a performance of 12th century choral music from Notre Dame Cathedral this Saturday. Now that is old!)

Seven years! Not such a long time, but nor is it a short time when you're only thirty one years old, is it? Seven years. Given the major change in the form of my practice since November, and the fact that we humans tend to reflect on the course of our lives during transitional periods, I think it's appropriate that I've been reflecting on what I got out of these years of practice.

My response to Brian's question on Facebook:

I HAVE SEVEN YEARS OF PRACTICE UNDER MY BELT. Booyah. Most of it pretty intensely, living at temples and whatnot. Currently, I meditate kind of when I feel like it, and I read some teachings, though most of what I read isn't Buddhist stuff. I still feel very engaged with and committed to the practice, and I can say with some confidence that my Zen practice has given me everything I will ever need to be content. Booyah, once again.

There's a sense in Zen circles that one shouldn't talk about what one gets out of Zen practice. Also, there's a sense that the only really correct answer is that you don't get anything out of it. Sometimes folks can get kind of cute about it; "I've been practicing for thirty years, and I have nothing to show for it," says the respected teacher. Yeah, right...

Max: How has your zazen changed since you started practicing?
Sojun Roshi: It's the same. Just deeper.

Now that's more like it...

Dogen cites an old Chinese story about a general who "subdued the enemies of the court," and was then offered a reward. The general refused, saying he was just doing his job. Dogen comments,

Even in secular society, those who are wise carry out their tasks solely for the sake of fulfilling their roles. They do not expect any reward. Students of the Way must have the same mental attitude. Once you have entered the Buddha-Way, you should practice the various activities just for the sake of the buddha-dharma. Do not think of gaining something in reward. (Shobogenzo Zuimonki, 1-9)

I think we need to remember that this instruction is directed towards those who are already committed to the Buddha Way. Those who are committed to the Buddha Way are no longer committed to themselves; this is called renunciation. Instead, there's a commitment to venerating the Buddha, unfolding the Dharma, and serving the Sangha. Of course, we practice wholeheartedly and strive to live an awakened life, but the teaching is that you don't do this for some reward; you do the practice because that's what a Buddha does!

That said, we can still often point to some change in our lives. Let's get real: practice is transformative, Zen's "no-gaining mind" notwithstanding. In fact, I'd say that if you've been practicing for a while and you and/or others don't see some kind of effect, even if it's just a small effect, then you might want to take a serious look at what you're doing.

My teacher once gave a talk about his Dharma transmission ceremony, and he described how his teacher gave him everything he would ever need for the rest of life, including a brown kesa and some ritual implements. I think I know what he means. I really do think I have everything I need to be content and to live a meaningful life. There's still stuff I want, including a decent career, a woman to settle down with, etc.. And I want the world to be somewhat different than it is (mainly, an end to ecological destruction).

The difference about how it was before practice and how it is now after practice is that I know that none of these things will make my life complete. Before, I really did believe that a satisfying romantic life, for instance, would complete me. I still want a satisfying romantic life, mind you, but now I want it because I would just plain enjoy it, for various reasons. I've learned that enough about who I am and how my mind works - how our minds work - to know that seeking for happiness outside ourselves is a recipe for a frantic and miserable life. (There's other "stuff" that "I" have "gotten" out of practice, but this is what I want to focus on here.)

Now, it could be that this is just the result of growing up a bit over the course of seven years. In fact, it bothers me a little bit that I can't ever know for certain whether the changes that I've noticed over these seven years of practice are the result of the practice or the result of just growing up. It's a purely hypothetical question, and therefore kind of irrelevant, but would I be just as content - or perhaps more content - if I had just done normal stuff over the years? What if I just worked a good job, bought a house, got married, and had kids?

"I never ask hypothetical questions; it's like lying to your brain!"
(Kenneth, on 30 Rock)

There's still work to do, however! I know that there is nothing that can make my life complete, that it is complete as it is, that the infinite universe stands always before my very eyes, that my mind contains the whole universe, that I am the way, the truth, and the life. But greed, hate, and delusion sneak in all the time. I still need to go deeper.

Strive on heedfully, my friends!

(If you want to have your mind blown, read these books one after another: The Web of Life, Fritjof Capra. Radical Nature, Christian de Quincy. What We Leave Behind, Derrick Jensen. A Natural History of The Senses, Diane Ackerman. The Spell of The Sensuous, David Abram. Up next, Collapse, by Jared Diamond, and soon enough I well get around to the voluminous Philosophy in The Flesh, by Lakoff & Johnson.)

Current soundtrack: Hank 3 & His Damn Band.

Our religion is what we do.

2011-03-06T12:24:00.001-06:00

Native basketry, at the Heard Museum (Phoenix, AZ). Isn't it great?

I'm reading another book by my favorite author Derrick Jensen. This one is called What We Leave Behind, and it's about, well, what we leave behind. As is usual for Mr. Jensen's work, it's a devastating critique of our culture's treatment of the natural world, on which all of life depends. What We Leave Behind focuses on our culture's waste products. Until fairly recently in the history of the planet, the waste of one living thing became the food of another living thing; a tree drops its leaves and the dead leaves are broken down by various processes and living creatures to become the nutrient-rich forest floor, a lion kills a gazelle and the scraps are eaten by hyenas, a human shits in the woods and the shit is eaten by slugs, a human dies and the body is returned to the earth's natural processes, and all life is better off for it - "healthier, stronger, more resilient, more diverse." Not too long ago, however, we started producing waste products that no living thing can break down, which means they are essentially poisonous. Sea creatures starve to death with their bellies full of plastic. Jensen writes, "This culture is killing the planet. This culture is killing the planet. This culture is killing the planet." Sometimes folks get down on Jensen because he is "negative," or "angry." I, however, find him to be realistic, honest, inspiring, caring, and heart-opening. Jensen is not negative; the culture that he is criticizing is negative. Jensen is angry, as he admits, but not in any way that I find objectionable.

One of the reasons I enjoy Jensen so much is because of the wide variety of extensively-noted sources he uses, everything from US (De)Forestry Service policies to biological studies to literature. For the purposes of the The Big Old Oak Tree, I thought this was particularly interesting, quoting the Powhatan-Renape-Lenape man Jack Forbes:

The life of Native American peoples revolves around the concept of sacredness, beauty, power, and relatedness of all forms of existence. In short the "ethics" or moral values of Native people are part and parcel of their cosmology or total world view. Most Native languages have no word for "religion" and it may be true that a word for religion is never needed until a people no longer have "religion." As Ohiyesa (Charles Eastman) said, "Every act of his [the Indian's] life is, in a very real sense, a religious act."... "Religion," is, in reality, "living." Our "religion" is not what we profess, or what we say, or what we proclaim; our "religion" is what we do, what we desires, what we seek, what we dream about, what we fantasize, what we think - all of these things - twenty-four hours a day. One's religion, then, is one's life, not merely the ideal life but the life as it is actually lives.... Religion is not a prayer, it is not a church, it is not "theistic," it is not "atheistic," it has little to do with what white people call "religion" It is our every act. If we tromp on a bug, that is our religion. If we experiment on living animal, that is our religion: if we cheat at cards, that is our religion; if we dream of being famous, that is our religion; if we gossip maliciously, that is our religion; if we are rude and aggressive, that is our religion. All that we do, and are, is our religion. (pg. 154)

What would it look like if I did my best to make everything I do an expression of the "sacredness, beauty, power, and relatedness of all forms of existence"?

Update, 3/9/11: I failed to mention that Jensen shares authorship with Aric McBay, creator of In the Wake: A Collective Manual-in-progress for Outliving Civilization. My apologies.

Sidewalk Beer

2011-02-24T23:35:00.000-06:00

My friend Koji and I were stopped at a red light this evening. A homeless-looking fellow was walking down the sidewalk. He had a big beard, and his clothes were torn and dirty. I thought he might have recently been at the psych hospital, where I work, but when I took a second looks I could tell he wasn't the guy I was thinking of. Sitting next to a telephone poll, there was an abandoned tall-boy in a paper bag. The homeless fellow saw it sitting there. He bent down, picked it up, gave a it a shake (to see if there was beer in it, we presumed), and then continued walking carrying the beer. I asked Koji, "Did you see that?" "Yeah," he said, "Quit a night." "That's rough," I said, "There are a lot of different ways to live..." We watched the fellow walk down the street to the corner, where he tossed the can into a trash can! Do you get it? He saw the can, picked it up, and shook it. Koji and I assumed that he shook it, found that there was some beer left in it, and then walked on with his drink in hand. As it turns out, we think, he picked up the can, found it to be empty, and then decided, "Oh well, I've got it in my hand, guess I better take responsibility for it."

Pieter Bruegel (1525-1569), The Peasent Dance

This reminds me of Issan Tom Dorsey. He was a very colorful fellow who, after years as a drag performer and pretty serious druggie, found his way to Suzuki Roshi and San Francisco Zen Center, eventually becoming the abbot of Hartford Street Zen Center. You can read his biography Street Zen, if you'd like. When he first got started in Zen practice, he got into this kick of cleaning things. While his hippy house mates at his hippy commune house were out during the day, he would clean the place up, even arranging their sock drawers. One day, he was walking down the street and he found a candy wrapper. He picked it up in a kind of spontaneous manner, and thought to himself, "Does this mean I am responsible for everything?" The way he tells it, he tried to convince himself that it wasn't true, that actually he was not responsible for everything, but deep down he knew that indeed he is. Then he got on a kick about picking up litter on the street.

Wearing the Robe

2011-02-24T17:11:00.000-06:00

Shohei's kesa, from his blog, Robe!

In the Soto school of Zen Buddhism, there is a particular veneration of the kesa, the Buddhist robe. As far as I know, all the different orders of Buddhist clergy wear some form of the kesa. Although there are various styles, they're all worn over the left shoulder, and they are sewn in a distinctive patchwork style. In some schools, the robe is just kind of the way a monk dresses, but in the Soto school, there is a distinct veneration of the kesa. I remember seeing a Tibetan monk whip off his kesa, ball it up, and toss it on a shelf! You'd never see a Soto priest do that. (I don't mean that as a criticism, by the way; it's just an illustration of differing approaches to the kesa.) In my school, we chant a verse three times before we put on the kesa:

Great robe of liberation,
Field far beyond form and emptiness,
Wearing the Tathagatha's teaching,
Saving all beings.

Except when we forget to say it. Like I do, sometimes. My guess is that it's called the "robe of liberation," because it's an expression of renunciation. But what is the wearer supposedly liberated from? Greed, hate, and delusion; the expressions of our limited sense of self. Traditionally, the wearer would be a monastic, which means that he/she would be quite literally free from "worldly concerns," having given up pretty much everything (money, sex, work, property, etc.) in order to pursue the practice of liberation. I'm not sure what the "field beyond form and emptiness" means. Perhaps it's an allusion to our true nature? Not bounded by anything, the emptiness of form, the emptiness of emptiness. My favorite line, the line that I've always found most touching is, "wearing the Tathagatha's teaching." (Tathagatha is one of the epithets for the Buddha.) Wrapping myself in the Dharma, the teaching of the Buddha, the possibility and reality of awakening. It's very warm, the kesa. "Saving all beings," liberating others, helping others to awaken, living an awakened life so that others may be awakened. It means a lot, the robe. In fact, the Soto Zen Buddhist Association, a kind of professional organization for priests, even lists wearing the kesa as one of the jobs of a priest. There's a sense of that one is obligated to wear it. You're a priest? OK; one of the things you do is wear the kesa.

As for me, I've not been wearing mine much. In fact, I think I've worn it only once since I left the the Zen center in November, when I went to a big ceremony. I've been over there for zazen a few times, but I just opted to wear my rakasu (a kind of mini-kesa that I can wear over my street clothes), and when I meditate here in my room I wear the rakasu, too.

It's humbling for me to wear this robe, the same garment worn by the Buddha, Tozan, Dogen, Suzuki Roshi, my teacher. Who am I to take a place in this line? I just do the best I can. I screw up left and right, and my practice is not particularly developed or profound. I at least hope it's sincere. I think it is. This feeling has been particularly pronounced as I step into this new stage of my life, working a normal (secular) job and living at a normal place (not a temple).

Hmmm... I feel very blessed.

---
A very nice man in Alaska, Carl, got in touch with me and asked me about the robe verse a while ago. I told him I would write my thoughts about it here on the blog, then I forgot and didn't do it, and then he emailed me with a gentle reminder of what I said I would do. Thanks, Carl!

I got a job!

2011-02-18T14:46:00.000-06:00

I got a job! As you may know, I've been working on an as-needed basis at the psychiatric hospital, as a mental health technician, but I just got hired for full-time work. The schedule is exactly what I wanted, Monday through Friday, 7am to 3pm, leaving me nights and weekends (and a good chunk of the afternoons) to pursue other stuff. While it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, I find the work engaging and occasionally rewarding. And I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life anyway. This is great news for me. Quite a relief. I'm very grateful to my employer. I'm going out with a friend to celebrate a bit this evening.

One of Blake's illustrations for the Book of Job. Get it? Job?! Ha!

Live a Little More

2011-02-18T13:22:00.000-06:00

I went to a bit of a party last night. My friend Matt, who I know from the Austin Zen Center, is in several bands. One of them, The Black, is going on tour for two months or so, leaving today, so it was a bit of a send-off party. Matt lives in this really cool house that used to be a childcare center; it has a playground in the yard and everything. I didn't know anyone at the party, but I chatted with some folks. A few people wanted to hear all about my job. I guess there is something kind of interesting about working with the seriously mentally ill. I ran into a young fellow I had met a while ago at this place called Wake Up Austin, a house with a bunch of young folks practicing together. We had also run into each other at AZC. Our conversation went something like this,

"Are you still at the Zen center?"
"Oh, no. I moved out. Doing some other things now."
"That's good."
"You think so? Why's that?"
"You get to live a little more." (I'm actually having trouble remembering exactly what he said, but it was something like that, I know.)

Sam Francis

I've run into this before. Folks think that some lifestyles are more... more something... more lifelike? It's like when you're in college, and someone says something about graduating and being in "the real world," or someone has a job, but it's not a "real job." Or you leave a monastery/temple and enter "real life."

Let me assure you, my friends; It doesn't get any more real than this. Life never stops, no matter what you're doing. You can't get away, and it's not ever going to be more real than this.

Merle Haggard sings,

I've been runnin' from life
I keep runnin' from life
Hey, I'm still runnin' from life
But I can't get away

As for the practice, the task is the same, no matter the situation.

---

I'm a little disappointed in The Big Old Oak Tree these days. I feel like I'm not really touching on anything important, and I don't feel like my writing is all that great. I'm not sure where this project is headed.

Love Song

2011-02-14T10:48:00.000-06:00

Some folks seem to take some pride in not liking Valentine's Day. I don't really get that. Sure, there's the crass commercialization of romance, but our culture seems to do that to everything, and one can set that aside. The idea is nice, perhaps even noble; folks giving tokens of affection to the folks they love. What's not to like about that? Despite the recent less-than-positive developments in my own romantic life, I remain optimistic. Or perhaps just stupid. Either way is fine. I have everything I need to lead a meaningful and satisfying life. The rest will fall into place, I'm sure.

One of my favorite love songs is "Chances Are," sung by Johnny Mathis in 1957:

Chances are 'cause I wear a silly grin
The moment you come into view,
Chances are you think that I'm in love with you.
Just because my composure sort of slips
The moment that your lips meet mine,
Chances are you think my heart's your Valentine.

In the magic of moonlight,
When I sigh, "Hold me close, dear,"
Chances are you believe the stars
That fill the skies are in my eyes.

Guess you feel you'll always be
The one and only one for me
And, if you think you could,
Well, chances are your chances are awfully good.

In the magic of moonlight,
When I sigh, "Hold me close, dear,"
Chances are you believe the stars
That fill the skies are in my eyes.

Guess you feel you'll always be
The one and only one for me
And, if you think you could,
Well, chances are your chances are awfully good.

The Onion's "Journey of Self-Discovery"

2011-02-13T21:14:00.000-06:00

Edward Hopper, Sunday (1926)

from The Onion: America's Finest News Source

Journey Of Self-Discovery Leads Man

To Realization He Doesn't Care

FEBRUARY 10, 2011 | ISSUE 47•06

FLAGSTAFF, AZ—Three months after setting off down a long spiritual path to find himself, 38-year-old Corey Larson arrived at the conclusion Tuesday that he does not care. "I spent many long hours meditating, studying the works of great thinkers and spiritual leaders, and delving deep within myself for some kind of answer, and then it hit me: I couldn't care less," Larson said of his soul-searching journey. "Fuck it. Fuck it all." Larson briefly considered writing a self-help book to make the journey easier for others, but decided that he also didn't give two shits about whether other people arrived at the same conclusion he did.

There's a story about Ikkyu (1394-1481), the "renegade" Zen and poetry master. He was out in a lake in a boat, and he had some kind of insight, a flash of understanding. He told his teacher about it, and his teacher said, "That is not the realization of Shakyamuni Buddha." Ikkyu replied with something along the lines of, "Well, whatever; it's good enough for me." The teacher responded, "Now that is the realization of Shakyamuni Buddha!"

By Ikkyu:

this ink painting of wind

blowing through pines

who hears it?

A friend of mine told me about a friend of his who was ordained in a Rinzai lineage. The fellow worked hard and excelled, struggling through the lengthy koan curriculum, until he could go no further; a full-on sensei or roshi or whatever they call them. So what did he do? He got a job as a nurse's assistant (hard and often dirty work), married a Catholic girl, converted to Catholicism, and started making Catholic babies.

The above news item from The Onion misses the mark in it's harshness and dismissiveness ("Fuck it. Fuck it all."), and three months is not "a long spiritual path," but something about it is right on. (I suppose that's what makes it good satire.) Perhaps it's that Mr. Larson considered three months long enough, when even a whole lifetime usually only scratches the surface; a bit of a swipe at modern "spiritual materialism." Or maybe it's that he doesn't care if other people reach the same conclusion or not; he stands confidently, on his own two feet, like Ikkyu. But maybe the satire is that Mr. Larson though that a spiritual path to find himself, many long hours meditating and studying, searching for an answer, et cetera, et cetera would help him somehow, when really all he has to do is live his life... which is no small task...

Song of the Grass Roof Hermitage, by Shitou Xiquan (8th century):

I built a grass hut, where there's nothing of value.

After eating, I relax and enjoy a nap...

The Vision

2011-02-11T09:35:00.002-06:00

Mark Rothko, 1903-1970

All the greats have a vision. The Buddha had a vision of society where human suffering was taken seriously, and he actually created an alternative, parallel society that is still going today. Jesus and the early church had the Kingdom of God. Mark Rothko's visceral abstractions are, to many of us, windows into our own minds. (I remember taking a date to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, and showing her a Rothko painting. She had never seen one before, and she broke down in tears.) Walt Whitman was ahead of his time, and his ecstatic vision is apparent in so many of his verses:

All space, all time,
(The stars, the terrible perturbations of the suns,
Swelling, collapsing, ending, serving their longer, shorter use,)
Fill'd with eidelons only.

What makes a vision a vision? I think it has to have something universal, trans-historical about it. Take Martin Luther King, Jr., for instance; I highly doubt that we'll ever get to a point where we'll say, "Oh, sure, he had some good ideas, but they're outdated; that was then, this is now..."

I'm not sure yet what my vision is. I remember in graduate school - I studied theology - talking to a friend and saying, "I feel like I'm on the edge of a precipice, about to leap off, but I can't yet..." I still feel that way. My vision - if I have one - is just out of reach. Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that I am like the Buddha, or Jesus, or Whitman, but I can tell there are certain depths to who I am, and what this shining world is, that I've yet to dive into.

But you know, maybe it wouldn't hurt for us to compare ourselves to these greats? I don't mean in some horrible, judgemental way. After all, there really is no basis for comparison. But why not aspire to this kind of humanity? It's like the lyrics of that old hymn,

For the saints of God are just folks like me, and I mean to be one, too.

What's YOUR vision?

My Favorite Japanese Haiku Poet

2011-02-08T00:27:00.001-06:00

Santoka Taneda, a Soto Zen Buddhist priest who lived from 1882 to 1940 is my favorite Japanese haiku poet.

Giovanni Bellini, St. Francis in the Desert, The Frick Collection

There are two collections of Santoka's poetry in English, and both are excellent.

Mountain Tasting: Haiku and journals of Santoka Taneda, trans. John Stevens:

   The few flies that remain
   Seem to remember me.

       To the mountains,
       To the sky:
       The Heart Sutra.

           We've separated;
           My backpack is heavy.

               Passing over the mountains,
               Again mountains, winter mountains.

For All My Walking: Free-verse haiku of Taneda Santoka, with excerpts from his diary, trans. Burton Watson:

       foul mood
       soak it away
       in bath water

           a snake angles
           coolly
           across the morning stream

               that sound
               the rain?

                   there
                   where the fire was
                   something blooming

James Macneil Whistler, Nocturne: Battersea Bridge, The Freer Galery

Contrary to popular opinion, haiku is more than three lines with a certain number of syllables. In fact, one can make a very good case for abandoning this five-seven-five thing altogether. If you'd like to know more about this, and a lot more, check out The Haiku Handbook: How to write, share, and teach haiku, by William J. Higinson.

Scruffy Scirocco Objects!

2011-02-07T00:32:00.004-06:00

El Greco's Sts. Peter & Paul, at Google Art Project

Yay! I got my first spiteful blog comment ever! I've been waiting for something like this. Up until now, the only "hate mail" I've received had to do with my I Don't Practice Mindfulness post. That one made it onto Reddit (which I'm told is kind of a big deal), and one fellow offered the comment that begins my blog profile. You see, all the big successful hotshot blogs are chock full of nasty comments. Comments on Richard Dawkins' caused quite a kerfuffle. Thus far, the humble Big Old Oak Tree has not been worthy of attracting such attention... but now all that has changed! We're entering a new era, folks! I would like to thank all of my readers, and especially those of you in the "buddho-blogosphere" who have supported me in what is now over a year of blogging on The Big Old Oak Tree.

The comment in question was offered up on a (rather blandly-titled) recent post regarding the display of the decalog in a public school, The Ten Commandments in School (click to read the post and comment). In that post, I am sure you will recall, I railed against a certain school district which is defying a Supreme Court decision banning such religious displays in public schools. What really got my Irish up (I can say that, by the way) was the support offered to this most ignoble of causes by a Baptist minister. I didn't think this post would generate much debate, as I think most of my readers are either Buddhist, or curious about Buddhism, or "spiritual but not religous" types. This makes me wonder how this fellow ran into my blog. My guess is that he googled "best blog ever" or "ten commandments fetish."

The comment came from a fellow (or cat?) named "Scruffy Scirocco." A Google search revealed that he takes issue not just with godless Buddhist bloggers, but also with Islam. I guess it's nice to know that I'm not the only one he despises. Also, Mr. Scirocco keeps a blog, The Tower of Reason, He's been keeping this blog for three years, and it only has one follower, and very few comments, so please follow his blog so he knows he's loved. It's actually pretty good. We disagree on a lot, but he's a decent writer and a smart fellow, I think.

Before we get into Mr. Scirocco's thoughts on the matter at hand, let me begin by saying that I realize that I was not very diplomatic on this issue. On this blog, when I've written about things that I'm not so into, I've tried to be pretty diplomatic. Take my review of the two sexy books a while back. Now, I wasn't too into either of these books, but my review was generally positive. "Here's how I think these books are. It's not really what I'm looking for, but if you're into this kind of thing, check it out!" When it comes to religious displays in public institutions, and public servants defying SCOTUS for no good reason, and protecting our children from small-minded views, I don't feel like I need, or ought, to be so diplomatic.

And here's what Mr. Scirocco has to say, in bold type. My comments are in italics.

God, you are an idiot. Even though he's trying to defend the idea of posting the ten commandments in schools, he starts off by breaking commandment. #6, "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain: for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain" (Ex. 20:7). Wild stuff! As for me being an idiot, he may be quite right.... but the LORD will not hold him guiltless.

"weird Ten Commandments fetish"? I thought of this phrase a while ago, but haven't had the chance to use it much. I do think it's strange how some folks have fetishized the ten commandments, making them into something like a magical incantations, or a battle standard. How different would these kind of debates be if the battle standard was something more along the lines of the beatitudes? "Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God" (Matt. 5:8)

You act as if this suddenly happened, that we're suddenly being invaded by *gasp* Christians! Who have values! Surprise! I don't think this has happened suddenly, which is why I wrote, "Once again, the religious right's weird Ten Commandments fetish" is showing up in public discourse. I also mentioned that the Supreme Court has already settled this matter. I've not been "surprised" by all of this. As for "values," I've never met anyone who doesn't have any values. I've met folks who have values that I disagree with, and I've even met folks who have values that I think are quite harmful. But everyone has some kind of values. If Mr. Scirocco is implying that Christians are the only people who have values, or the only people who have values that actually work, I think the evidence against these propositions are so abundant that I don't even need to get into it.

Why do you proselytize your weird beliefs and try to force them on those who have a moral objection to living as you do? I don't think I proselytize. If I do proselytize, however, the only idea I want to get across is that it's possible to face our suffering head on and live a satisfying life. Now, in this nightmare of a culture, that is most definitely a weird belief, but I am comfortable with proselytizing that kind of belief. And "living as [I] do"? Note sure what he means here. Does he mean going to work, reading, and drinking a beer on occasion? I'd like to hear what is so objectionable about that.

No one is making you go to a Christian church, or profess to Yahweh. I know! Thank goodness! This is exactly why I get so fired up about this issue! You see, when a school puts up a sign telling kids how many gods to have, and how to honor the one true god, the implication is that the kids are encouraged - or even commanded - to go along with the instructions on this sign. When this happens in a public school, it's problematic, to say the least.

This so called "religious right" movement you seem so afraid of is nothing but a stalking horse for you to use in a poorly masked campaign to persecute Christianity. When I first read this statement from Mr. Scirocco, I seriously wondered if I said something against Christianity, or Christians. "Oh, crap," I thought to myself, "Was I not careful? Did I say something that attacked Christianity or Christians as such?" I tried my best not to do such a thing in my post. I tried not to call them idiots (like Mr. Scirocco did to me in his first sentence). I really don't like it when folks make these kinds of attacks in religious, philosophical, theological, or political debates. "These people who disagree with me are just idiots! Or blinded by the devil!" That never seems very helpful for getting to the root of the matter. Looking over my post, I don't think I said anything to persecute Christianity. In fact, in at least one other post, I've expressed my respect for at least some aspects of the Christian traditions. And I used to consider myself a Christian. And I see that part of my life as a integral to who I am today. Since I generally like who I am today, I feel a certain level of appreciation and respect for the Christian tradition. As for being afraid of the religious right, yes! I am totally afraid of the religious right. Why? Because they have a lot of power, and I don't think they use that power in wise ways. In fact, I think they need to be stopped! However, my fear is tempered by my faith that the arc of American history bends toward justice and freedom, although that arc may be long, and it's curve subtle, at times. On a side note, I think it would he hard to find instances of Christians being persecuted here in the States. Practically all of our rich and powerful identify as Christian, there are churches all over the place, etc. Talking about the persecution of Christians in America trivializes the real plight of Christians in China, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Pakistan, Sudan, etc.

Newsflash, sparky, I don't know why he calls me "sparky," but I think it's cute. Today one of the patients at the psych hospital called me "Disney channel" b/c I'm "such a character!"

You're weird knee-jerk reaction to Judeo-Christianity is what's new and different. My "reaction" is not to Judeo-Christianity. I have reconciled myself to the fact that I live in a predominantly Judeo-Christian society. I have not, however, reconciled myself to living in a country where public institutions promote one religious tradition over another, hence my opposition to religious displays in public schools. My "reaction" is not "weird," and it is certainly no weirder than the "reaction" of the Supreme Court. And this is not a "knee-jerk reaction." I think my academic degrees and my deep engagement with my spiritual life (which has now taken up more than a third of my years on Earth) might speak to the seriousness with which I approach such matters. (Then again, it might not.)

If you don't like the basis of moral ethics which formed the foundation of thought on which this country was based, take your saffron-wearing Buddhist backside to Tibet and chant to your heart's content. Sigh... Here it is again. "Love it, or leave it," they say. What they don't realize is that the folks who have made this country what it is today are the ones who stayed and did what they could to make it better. Of course, they were opposed at every turn by the old guard. I guess we all have our role to play in this dance called the United States... I'm not going to get into the "foundation" of our country, as it's abundantly clear, by even a cursory reading of American history, that we were founded as a fairly radical secular nation.

Don't try to change the long-established American culture with alien ideas and complain that you somehow have a right to do so. This is kind of an odd thing to say, considering that changing American culture is exactly what the school district in question is trying to do.

Well, I think I've given way more attention to Mr. Scirocco's comment than his comment actually merits, don't you? I guess I'll end it here. I started this post off in a rather toungue-in-cheek manner, making like my blog has reached a new level of fame and recognition. Really, though, this is kind of disheartening. I genuinely would like to read well-reasoned argument for religious displays in public schools. There is obviously some kind of sincerity in the hearts of those who argue for such things, but my intuition is that it's rather emotionally driven, which is why they must cloak their arguments in phrases like "historical documents," etc. Don't get me wrong; this issue gets my emotions going, too, and I think that's clear in my initial post. But I've never heard a convincing argument that makes a serious attempt at showing why the children of Hindu, Buddhist, atheist, or other non-Christian parents should be exposed to a Judeo-Christian - let's face it: Christian - religious education in a public school. Perhaps Mr. Scirocco has one for us.

In looking for some art to go along with this post, I ran into this. What do you think? An offense to Christianity? An offense to Dadaism? Funny?

by Will St. Leger

All of this makes me think a little more about life online, but this post is pretty long already. Perhaps next time...

Cheering for Egypt

2011-02-04T10:26:00.000-06:00

The crowd in Tahrir Square, Cairo, on Friday, the Day of Departure

This photo just about says it all. I've been following the news from Egypt pretty closely for the last week or so. There's been so many inspiring stories that I don't even know where to start. I guess this blog post is more for myself than anyone else. I'm not going to offer any kind of analysis, as I'm not particularly qualified, and the voices of Egyptians - readily available to anyone on the internet - speak for themselves. I will say, however, that the hearts of freedom-loving people all over the world are there with the people of Egypt. Let's hope that Mubarak leaves very soon, and Egypt gets a new start.

Prayer in Tahrir Square, Cairo, on Friday, the Day of Departure

From Nicholas Kristoff's column, We Are All Egyptians:

The lion-hearted Egyptians I met on Tahrir Square are risking their lives to stand up for democracy and liberty, and they deserve our strongest support — and, frankly, they should inspire us as well. A quick lesson in colloquial Egyptian Arabic: Innaharda, ehna kullina Misryeen! Today, we are all Egyptians!

اليوم، ونحن كل المصريين!

Celebrating in Tahrir Square, Cairo.

(Photos from NYTimes.com.)

The Mind Reacts

2011-02-03T16:42:00.001-06:00

The Cathedral, by Frantisek Kupka, 1871-1957

One time I was walking down a street with my teacher in San Francisco. This fellow came up to us shouting and making like he was trying to pick a fight. He was acting in a really threatening manner. I went into fight mode: my chest expanded, my shoulders moved back, my jaw tightened, my fists clenched, my heart rate sped up. This was all automatic. My thoughts raced a bit, wondering where I should hit this guy. His nose? That might hurt, but if he's high itnot bother him to much. (We were right on the edge of a neighborhood known for its drug abuse.) The throat? Could I really punch someone in the throat? Could I follow through on the punch? Maybe I can just shove him really hard? Should I try to get away? Will my teacher follow me if I try to get away? Fortunately, I was able to just put my hand on his shoulder and kind of gently move him to the side as my teacher and I walked by. It took me a few minutes to calm down.

Just a few days ago at the psych hospital where I work, another tech and I were helping a patient off the floor. She was kind of confused, and she had gotten out of bed and started crawling across the floor. This patient was quite elderly and frail. I put my left hand under her armpit and held her right hand with my right hand. As we lifted her to her feet, she pulled her hand to her mouth and bit my little finger. Instinctively, I pulled my hand away. She didn't break my skin, but it did hurt a little. It did surprise me, and scare me. After a moment of oh shit she's biting me fear, I felt extremely angry. This also surprised me.

You see, patients at this hospital are often quite ill, so it's not unusual for patients to say something awful to me as a staff member, or just be really unreasonable. ("Trevor, can you get some more coffee creamers?" "Oh sure, just let me finish up here with this." "What the fuck, man? My coffee's going to get cold!" " I know you want it now, but I need to finish this. Just me give me two minutes.") I've been able to handle this pretty well. No matter how a patient acts - whether they're constantly critical of everything I do, or calling me an agent of demonic forces - I just consider it a symptom of their disease, and tell myself that if they weren't acting in this manner, they wouldn't be at the hospital. It's not unusual for a patient to physically assault a staff member (which is why we're trained in SAMA techniques), but no one had ever been physically aggressive with me before this lady bit me. This is why I was so surprised at my flare up of anger; my professionalism, at least for a few moments, was totally out the window. (Also, the last time I was physically assaulted was when I got in a fight in 8th grade!)

For me, these two experiences illustrate the importance of understanding how my mind works. It seems that despite my efforts, aggression and anger arise to some degree, in certain situations. In the above situations, it was readily apparent as an acute physiological experience. Quite often, our reactions are much more subtle, and therefore more insidious. Do we really want to be pulled around by our uncontrollable mind all the time? I certainly don't.

----

I know what you're thinking: Trevor, how can you be writing about this kind of thing when there's an incredible popular revolution going on in Egypt? Yes, I've been following the news very closely. It's all very exciting and inspiring and wonderful and suspenseful. I sincerely hope that Mubarak calls off his thugs, leaves the country, and lets Egypt take its rightful place among the world's democracies.

Brave Egyptians, facing off against their hated police force, Jan. 25, 2011.
From Tampabay.com's photo blog.

---

On a side note, I would like to thank Google for creating what must be the most wonderful thing on the internet: The Google Art Project. Check it out. It's well worth several hours of your time. Be sure to watch their "visitor's guide" video, too.

Earth, Space, & Curiosity

2011-01-31T14:03:00.001-06:00

Two students in England spent the equivalent of US$560 to construct a styrofoam box containing a camera and a GPS device attached to a weather balloon. In around 3 hours, the balloon rose to height of about 23 miles (the lower end of the stratosphere) until it popped, opening a parachute and delivering the box to a field about 100 miles away. Along the way, the camera filmed some wonderful images from "the edge of space," as the NYTimes called it. They made the whole process into a very nice video:

I'd say that's $560 well-spent, wouldn't you? Here it is on NYTimes.com, & the more detailed piece from BBC.

Ham, listening to a man's heart

Additionally, today is the 50th anniversary of Ham the Astrochimp's journey. He was the first hominid to travel into space. Back then, they didn't know if people would be able to do anything in zero gravity, travelling thousands of miles an hour, in space, so they sent a chimp up there, trained to pull levers and push buttons and stuff like that. He made it back safely. You can read a bit about this on Boingboing.net, and look at a gallery of photos about Ham from LIFE Magazine.

Also on NYTimes.com, there's a piece about the NASA satellite known as Kepler, which was sent into space to discover new planets. One of the methods used by the Kepler satellite is "listening" to the star's vibrations. Did you know that stars can have "starquakes"? Yeah, me either. Speaking of stars,until recently we've drastically under-counted the number of stars in the universe. There are about three times as many stars as we thought, it turns out. According to one scientist:

We may have to abandon this notion of using the Milky Way as a template for the rest of the universe.

That's quite a thing to say, isn't it?

And it's not just space where discoveries happen, but also here on the surface. For instance, scientists recently discovered a bacteria that can survive on a diet of arsenic in place of phosphorous ("one of six elements considered essential for life"), which means that there could be forms of life that live through means we've not even considered.

All of this points to something really important to the spiritual life: curiosity. When I started practicing, one of the things that I found so attractive about Buddhist practice was this sense that it provided a method for investigating who I am, and how I can lead a life free from greed, hate, and delusion. I think if we approach this life from a place of curiosity, with a truly open mind and heart, then we can't help but find something profound. Just a thought...

For more on the theme of curiosity and the religious life, check out The Religious Case Against Belief by James P. Carse.

Ten Commandments in Schools

2011-01-28T12:05:00.001-06:00

Do you have kids? Do you send your kids to public school? If so, be glad you don't live in Giles County, Virginia, because if you did, your kid would be going to a school where excerpts from the King James Version of the Bible are posted in the school's hallway. Once again, the religious right's weird Ten Commandments fetish is rearing its self-righteous, bigoted head in a public school district.

The Commandments had been in the schools for ten years (How'd that happen?!), but on December 8, 2010, an organization called the Freedom From Religion Foundation sent a letter and email to the superintendent of Giles County Public Schools, Dr. Terry Arbogast . FFRF's letter states,

The Ten Commandments display... violates the Establishment Clause of the First Ammendment, The Supreme Court ruled on this very issue, finding that posting the Ten Commandments on school building walls violated the Establishment Clause. Stone v. Graham, 49 U.S. 39 (1980).

They go on to quote the Supreme Court's decision:

The pre-eminent purpose for posting the Ten Commandments on schoolroom walls is plainly religious in naure... The Commandments do not confine themselves to arguably secular matters,... rather, the first part of the Commandments concerns the religious duties of believers: worshipping the Lord God alone, avoiding idolatry, not using the Lord's name in vain, and observing the Sabbath Day.

You can read FFRF's full letter here. My favorite part is when their lawyer writes,

The school has no business telling young children which god they must have, how many gods they must have, or that they must have any god at all.

This is pretty cut and dry, folks. Religious instruction should be left to parents, families, and religious communities; not public institutions. Apparently, the superintendent saw their point (kind of), and wrote back on December 17:

As information, this part of the display will be removed and replaced with another historical document...

Did you catch that? "As information..." "...another historical document..." This is an allusion to a sneaky, slimy, backhanded, disingenuous trick that the religious right tries to pull in all their attempts to remake our great nation into a narrow-minded theocracy. The Ten Commandments aren't displayed for religious reasons, they say, but rather as historical documents. Since the United States was founded on "Judeo-Christian" principles, they say, the Ten Commandments are something along the lines of the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Magna Carta, or Benjamin Franklin's flirty letters to young ladies. Indeed, the Commandments had been displayed along with the Constitution, and they were replaced by the Declaration of Independence... but only for a short time...

You guessed it. The Superintendent's letter wasn't the end of it.

On January 20, 2011, there was a school board meeting in Giles County. This guy, Pastor Shahn Wilburn, got some Gilesians to come to the meeting and urge the school board to go against the superintendent's decision - and the findings of the highest court in the country - by putting the display back. Can you believe this? You almost have to see it to believe it. And you can see some of it here:

Did you catch what Pastor Wilburn had to say in that clip?

You walk by, and you read, "Thou shalt not kill," and if you were in Littleton, Colorado, and Columbine High School, it would mean something to you today

Can you believe the nerve of this guy? April 20, 1999. Columbine High School. Two deeply disturbed boys. Lots of guns. The whole nation glued to their TV screens. Crowds of weeping parents and children. At the end of the day, there were twelve dead kids, one dead teacher, twenty one wounded, and hundreds of grieving kids, parents, families. How dare he invoke one of our nation's most senseless tragedies to further his small-minded agenda?

(Thanks to GodDiscussion.com's article for this video.)

After the Commandments were put back, the superintendent commented in this video, "It wasn't a decision based on our personal beliefs." Well, guess what, Dr. Arbogast, your personal beliefs on this issue don't really matter. You're supposed to be a professional educator.

In that same video, the gentleman who made the frames for the displays in question says,

When we determined that the documents could be legally posted as historical documents, the pastor of our church, Shahn Wilburn, approached me about - he knew of my framing...

There it is again, my friends; the Ten Commandments as "historical document." Give me a break...

Apparently, the news team was "unable to locate anyone in Giles County that is against the commandments inside the schools." I really wonder about that. How hard did they look? There's got to be at least one Catholic who is at least somewhat uncomfortable with the display being Protestant in nature (it being from the KJV). I guess I have too much faith in Americans to believe that one would not be find anyone in the county that would be against such a grievous violation of of one of our country's proudest traditions.But perhaps this faith is unfounded. Perhaps there really are "two Americas."

If any of you read this want to let Giles County officials know what you think, check out FFRF's advice.

Yeah, I'm a little fired up about this. It's one thing when religious folks agitate for political and social change that is in line with their belief systems. After all, if your religious life does not impact your politics, then your religious life is not doing you much good. Religious systems offer us a vision of a world we can work towards. The best of these visions inspire societies of peace and justice, where social structures promote freedom, and individuals and communities can flourish. I would expect anyone's values to impact their political work, whether that person be religious or not.

However, the political expression of these values needs to take a non-sectarian and interfaith form. This is part of our American tradition, a tradition of the expansion of individual rights and the expansion of what it means to be American. Pastor Wilburn, if you are really concerned about violence in public schools, then please preach about this from your pulpit, and by all means make your sermons as biblically-based as you would like. Work with organizations that offer conflict mediation training to kids, or that promote gun safety, and let your Christian faith move your heart to do these things. But don't try to put this faith into public schools. And if you do, at least be honest about what you're doing.

It's not clear what is going to happen with all of this. I will try to keep you updated on it.

Deep Ecology: a shallow introduction

2011-01-26T13:23:00.003-06:00

1,400 year-old oak tree, from stylefrizz.com

I grew up in a town called Phoenixville in Pennsylvania. My home was on the edge of the borough proper and Schuylkill Township. Until fairly recently, the township was rather rural; open fields divided by stands of trees. The house that my parents bought sits on an acre of land with a small creek running through, and the creek runs under the street, and through the YMCA's property, where it spills into the larger Pickering Creek. As a boy, these creeks and their surrounding forests were my playground. When I was about sixteen, I went to a place called Philmont Scout Ranch. We went on a twelve-day trek there, and I was struck by the power of this wilderness.

One of the best classes I ever took in college was "Biotic Diversity of North America." It was three hours, once a week. We would come into class, Dr. Hulse would turn off the lights, turn on his slide projector, and start showing slides and lecturing. He lectured right out of his field notes; notes that he took while observing the flora and fauna of pretty much every biosphere in North America, from underwater caves to treeless mountaintops. He was what Edward Abbey might have called a "redneck for wilderness," (I hate that term "redneck," by the way), albeit one with a keen interest in systematic and ecological herpetology.

Graduate school at Boston University School of Theology was the first time I had ever lived in a city, and at first I hated it; the noise, the constant twilight, so many people, the smell. I got used to it eventually, and soon came to enjoy living in cities. Living at Tassajara for two and half years after grad school turned me on to wilderness once again, however. Nestled in the rugged mountains of the Los Padres National Forest, twenty or so miles from any center of civilization, the stars glow in a way that those of us who live in cities and towns can hardly imagine. The sound of the creek is a constant presence. Seasonal changes are quite noticeable, especially as many of the buildings aren't too well heated or insulated. Animals are all over the place. Moving to SF, back to a city, after living in the forest proved to be another difficult adjustment.

In graduate school, I took a class about ecological ethics and that's where I first ran into a school of thought called "deep ecology." When I was at Tassajara, inspired by living rather closely with the woods there, I looked into deep ecology again. Basically, deep ecology is a philosophy that "... recognizes the fundamental interdependence of all phenomena and the fact that, as individuals and societies, we are all embedded in (and ultimately dependent on) the cyclical processes of nature." Moreover, it is a critique of what could be called "shallow ecology."

Shallow ecology is anthropocentric, or human-centered. It views humans as above or outside of nature, as the source of all value, and ascribes only instrumental , or "use"," value to nature. Deep ecology does not separate humans - or anything else - from the natural environment. It sees the world not as a collection of isolated objects, but as a network of phenomena that are fundamentally interconnected and interdependent. Deep ecology recognizes the intrinsic value of all living beings and views humans as just one particular strand in the web of life.

Ultimately, deep ecological awareness is spiritual or religious awareness. When the concept of the human spirit is understood as the mode of consciousness in which the individual feels a sense of belonging, of connectedness, to the cosmos as a whole, it becomes clear that ecological awareness is consistent with the so-called perennial philosophy of Christian mystics, that of Buddhists of the philosophy and cosmology underlying the Native American traditions.

That's from Fritjof Capra's The Web of Life. Capra is what you'd call a "systems theorist," and his thinking helps to provide a theoretical and mathematical underpinning to deep ecology. Systems theory and deep ecology often cross into each other's fields, although that's kind of funny way to put it, as both schools of thought are part of this paradigm shift towards a holistic approach to... well, everything... I'm about halfway through Capra's book. It's very difficult, but well worth it. (By the way, sometimes I will pick up a book on science that claims to be "approachable," written for the "lay person," using "non-technical" language... And then I read it, and I'm like, "Huh?!?!" Ugh! I guess I need dumber books.)

Another systems theorist and deep ecological thinker that just blows my mind is Joanna Macy. I've said it before, and I will say it again; Joanna Macy is probably my favorite thinker out there. If I could put someone else's brain in my skull, it would be a dude-version of Joanna Macy's brain. (Gary Snyder and Stephen Batchelor tie for runners up in the brain-transplant category.) From her masterpiece, World as Lover, World as Self:

What happens for us then is what every major religion has sought to offer - a shift in identification, a shift from the isolated "I" to a new, vaster sense of who we are. This is understandable not only as spiritual experience, but also, in scientific terms, as an evolutionary development. AS living forms evolve on this planet, we move not only in the direction of diversification, but toward integration as well. Indeed these two movements complement and enhance each other. Open systems self-organize and integrate by virtue of their interactions. AS we evolved we progressively shed our shells, our armor, our separate encasements; we grew soft, sensitive, vulnerable protuberances, like eyes, lips, and fingertips, to better connect and receive information, to better know and interweave our knowings. If we are all bodhisattvas, it is because that thrust to connect, that capacity to integrate with and through each other, is our true nature.

Yeah... You heard her. She throws down like that left and right, in all her books. For more on Buddhism and ecology, I reccomend Dharma Gaia: A Harvest of Essays in Buddhism and Ecology

Derrick Jensen is a more contemporary and younger author. I'm not sure that he explicitly identifies with deep ecology, but his work is very informative nonetheless. He's known to ask the question, "Will this culture voluntarily change to a sustainable and sane way of life?" His answer is a firm, "No," and he offers an explication of this answer, and outlines a response in his two volume work Endgame. Endgame is based on twenty premises, all of which you can read on this handy Wikipedia page. It's worth the read, both the premises and the books. Jensen's books are among the most important that I've ever read.

For some folks, deep ecology is more than philosophical school, but also a call to action on which they must act. Rod Coronado was/is one of those folks. He liberated animals from fur farms and destroyed a good piece of the Norwegian whaling fleet. What a guy! Dean Kuiper's book Operation Bite Back: Rod Coronado's War to Save American Wilderness is a challenging read for all of us who say we care about the Earth. And if Kuiper's book is especially inspiring for you, you might want to check out Ecodefense: A Field Guide to Monkeywrenching. Don't get caught!

I hope this served to whet your appetite for some deep ecology. You can also check out: Gary Snyder (poet, essayist, Buddhist teacher), W.S. Merwin (poet, Zen teacher), Arne Naess (founder of deep ecology, philosopher), John Seed (Australian activist), Edward Abbey (tough guy), Daniel Quinn (author), Starhawk (witch), Christian de Quincy (cosmologist, philosopher), bioregionalism, biocentrism, Gaia hypothesis, EarthFirst!, Earth Liberation Front, Animal Liberation Front.

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Lou Hartman, 1915-2011

2011-01-21T10:17:00.001-06:00

I lived with Lou Hartman at San Francisco Zen Center's City Center from August of 2006 to December of 2009. When I first moved in, Lou would come to the basement zendo most every day for zazen, and take his seat. He always sat in the northeast corner. Later on, I found out that he sat there because that is one of the few seats where you sit facing an actual wall. In most of the City Center zendo seats, you sit facing these opaque white windows. Years ago, there used to be these wood panels covering the bottom of the windows. When my teacher became the head of the meditation hall, he removed the panels, painted the place, etc. Lou didn't like that; "I was trained to sit facing the wall," he said, so he took a seat where he could sit facing the wall.

Blanche, & Lou with a hossu. Photo by Renshin Bunce.

As my time at City Center went on, Lou aged. When you're over 90, a lot changes in a year or two. A lot changes in a month, sometimes, Lou told me. He eventually, stopped coming to the zendo for meditation. Instead, he would spare himself the walk down the extra stairs and just go down to the Buddha Hall, and sit on the bench there. I remember I would occasionally see him sitting alone in the morning's first light, the tatami mats kind of glowing, and I couldn't help but think that it looked quite pleasurable, to sit there alone and wait for everyone to file in for morning service. As time went on, he started using a cane more and more, and then a walker pretty much all the time. When I first moved in, however, Lou would ride the bus all over town. He told me that sometimes he would find a bus route he's never been on, take it out real far, and then go for a walk.

In 2005, SFZC published a chap book of Lou's poems, Through the Privy Door: Recollected Verses, 1945-2005. The poems sat in a drawer for several years. When Lou was going to throw them out, Blanche convinced him to keep them for his children. Lou gave me a copy of it when I first gave a Way-seeking mind talk. I regret that I never got him to inscribe the title page for me. He wanted me to read this poem in particular:

When I was young I lived with God,
And in my innocence I loved him,
Beard and all.
But he was old, and with a sense of sin
And jealous in a very nasty way.
So anytime my youthful eye would stray
He'd drag me home, take down His Book,
And read to me of love that others gave.
One day God caught me in a field with Homer,
Who also had a beard. (But his was red.)
God let out such a roar
That Homer fled,
But when he stuck out His Sacred Foot
For me to kiss,
I clutched it to me, stood up
And hurled Him down.
He hit his head
Upon a common stone,
And god was dead.
I buried him there among the wheat;
The work was easy, for his weight was light.
Then I went home and burned his book
And on his altar wine stayed six days drunk,
To wake up sober
In an empty room.

At my request, Lou gave constructive criticism of my haiku on several occasions. He was a bit of an adept at the Way of haiku himself.

Whose blood on the scythe's blade?
Wild strawberries.
First of the season.

Back in the day, Lou was a member of the Communist Party. He was blacklisted for a while, and quite unable to find work. When he was sentenced to jail for refusing to speak at the House Committee on Un-American Activities during the McCarthy era, he was sentenced to jail time, but the Supreme Court let him off. It wasn't all cool-as-hell radicalism in the CP, though. He told me that one time he was standing on a street corner with a Party comrade, a black fellow. A car sped through an intersection, swerving in a rather dramatic fashion, and Lou turned to the black fellow and said, "Boy oh boy! Did you see that?!" Before he knew it, he was "brought up on charges" for calling the fellow, "boy." "If I had said 'Man oh man,'" he told me, "which was another common expression at the time, it would have been fine! Can you believe that!" Truly, those were different days!

Lou was a priest for several decades, though he never received Dharma transmission, and he never served as abbot or anything like that. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I heard that he didn't want Dharma transmission, preferring to practice as a regular ol' priest. I'm not sure if he was ever shuso, but he must have been shuso at least, right? His wife of more than sixty years, Zenkei Blanche Hartman, was abbess for a while, and had many students.

He died yesterday, several days after moving into Zen Hospice. I sent him a card as soon as I heard of this development, but I don't know if he got to read it or not. I'm told he died surrounded by his family. Besides that, I don't know anything else about the moment of his passing. I hope I get to die in a similar situation, after a very long life.

It's strange - I don't feel sad for Lou. There isn't a trace of, "Oh, poor Lou!" in me at all. I can't really say that I am "happy" for him, but I do have this sense that his death is a fitting end to a very long and rich life. The sadness that I do feel is for Blanche, his children, his grandchildren, and all the young men and women who will come to SFZC and not get to know him.

Here's the epitaph he wrote:

He did not kill his mother.
He did not kill himself
And he did not go crazy.
All in all
Quite a successful life.

Goodbye, Lou! Know that we miss you! Maybe I'll see you on the other side...

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Here's an interview with Blanche and Lou on David Chadwick's website.

An American Buddhist Soldier in Afghanistan

2011-01-12T17:52:00.000-06:00

1st Lt. Stephen J. Hunnewell, US Army

Buddhist Soldier and two-time Bronze Star Medal recipient, 1st Lt. Stephen J. Hunnewell is currently serving with the U.S. Army in Afghanistan. As a Civil Affairs Team Leader, Hunnewell is responsible for overseeing a three Soldier team whose primary objective is to advise local Afghan officials on the implementation of productive governance processes and assist them in forming meaningful connections with the local population and ensuring they are properly serving the citizens which they represent.

"My team’s job is extremely important in a counterinsurgency fight, particularly in one of the most active areas of Afghanistan which covers the Pech, Korengel, Shuryak and Watapur valleys, where there are a wide array of ethnic groups and tribes who have complicated relationships and histories."

I was contacted by a representative from Fleishman-Hilliard International Communications, a public relations firm working on the US Army's Operation Tribute to Freedom campaign. The representative asked me if I'd like to interview Lt. Hunnewell, and I accepted. I'm excited to finally write this post. I've been reading a bit about the Revolutionary War and WWII, and watching Ken Burns' epic documentary The War. In WWII, the whole country was working for victory over the Axis powers. Most everyone was asked to sacrifice something - or some one. Not even a hundred years later, we're currently engaged in two wars, but they're rather far-removed from our day-to-day life. Sure, I read about the wars in the news and hear about them on NPR, but they really don't affect me too much. I only know one person who was killed in Iraq; David Bernstein, my high school valedictorian and West Point graduate, killed by a rocket in 2003 as he tried to rescue a soldier from a burning vehicle. Many of us don't even know one person. I hope that this post humanizes the war a bit, gives us just a brief glance into the life of someone who is over there.

Buddhas of Bamiyan,
destroyed by the Taliban in 2001

The other reason I wanted to do this post is because of what I see as the unexamined assumptions in Western Buddhist convert sanghas (1) that military service is contrary to Buddhist practice, that one cannot be committed to the Dharma and also committed to the military life, and (2) that one must be a committed pacifist to practice Buddhism. Even a cursory glance at Buddhist history shows how flimsy these assumptions are. For more than 2,600 years, Dharma practitioners have been using military force to defend their loved ones, their homes, and their countries, whether they are soldiers, kings, presidents, or regular citizens. Indeed, anyone who is at all committed to any type of real spirituality would not be out there waging war willy-nilly. However, situations where warfare is necessary do seem to arise, at least on occasion.

Some of you reading this blog may think that the war in Afghanistan, where 1st Lt. Hunnewell is serving, is not one of those situations. This post won't be addressing that matter, as I see it as a separate issue from Lt. Hunnewell's life as Buddhist and as a soldier. I really hope that my comment section doesn't become a forum for debating whether or not our country should be involved in a war there. I'm sure there are plenty of other blogs out there where such issues are addressed. Perhaps some time in the future I will write a blog post about our current wars and why I think we should or should not be engaged in them. OK? OK!

By the way, if you would like to know more about the experiences of American soldiers on the ground in Afghanistan, read Sebastian Junger's War, and see his movie Restrepo, both of which I highly recommend, as does the Lt..

Again with the Lt., I also recommend the Buddhist Military Sangha blog.

Here we go...
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Do you identify with a particular Buddhist tradition? Did you become a Buddhist before or after you joined the military? Please tell me a little about how you started practicing Buddhism.

I had always been interested in both Buddhism and Taoism since a young age. I was introduced to both of the religions during social studies and they intrigued me. It was not until I returned from my last deployment in Afghanistan, 2008, did I really begin a practice. During my last tour in Afghanistan I began to search for a spiritual path. The old adage, ”There are no atheists in foxholes,” could not be more true.

Upon returning to the United States and reintegrating with my family I began to look into various spiritual paths. With the guidance and support of friends and family I found Buddhism and in particular Zen Buddhism and Taoism. One of my favorite books, which I read during a difficult readjustment period, is the Tao of Pooh. I have yet to join a Sangha. I am looking to join one which is inline with the Plum Village tradition of Thich Nhat Han.

Developing a practice has helped me to cope with some of the stressors and post-traumatic stressors which have been a result of prolonged combat.

I recently served as a witness for a soldier at a conscientious objector hearing. One of the reasons that I felt that he qualified for CO status was because his opposition to war stemmed from his understanding of the bodhisattva path. Personally, I don't think that practicing Buddhism and serving in the military are necessarily at odds. However, there is a tradition of Buddhist pacifism, and there is a precept against killing. How do you integrate your job as a soldier with the Buddhist tradition's pacifism and ambivalence about killing? (By the way, several of my friends wanted me to ask similar questions.)

I think more Buddhists should serve in the military, particularly in today’s population centric counterinsurgency operations. My particular job is one of understanding the "human terrain" and figuring out how to best connect with the local populace. Too often do we make mistakes and in some instances detain or kill those who are innocent because we don’t understand the "human terrain". In Afghanistan, we need to enter the situation with a “beginners mind” in order to see the world as Afghans do. Entering the situation with a “beginners mind” allows me to see the situation without my preconceived notions of corruption and work ethic from a western perspective. I am then able to translate to my military brethren in military terms the situation on the ground and how we can best separate the insurgent from the populace or assist the Afghan government in making efforts to reintegrate those who are fighting due to a feeling of being wronged or misrepresented.

In order to accomplish the aforementioned mission one must approach every meeting with compassion and lead by example. This compassion for the people can rub off on those one works with and betters the mission for both the Afghans and the Americans. I work closely with both infantry and Special Forces units and on occasion they may be looking to deal with a situation utilizing a “hard” approach when in all actuality approaching the situation with a “softer” more tactful approach may yield better second and third order effects. It is tremendously difficult to deal with situations utilizing a “soft” approach when you have lost men, which is where patience and compassion come into play.

This is not to say I have not fired my weapon or engaged in actions which may have resulted in the deaths of human beings. I have served in Kunar’s Pech and Korengal valleys where the most intense fighting in Afghanistan has occurred. I do not enter a situation in which violence is committed halfheartedly, I am ever mindful of my actions and use no more force than is absolutely necessary, which in the long run saves more lives than the initial violent action takes.

A question from a friend: How do you practice compassion in combat? Or, as I might word this question, What role does compassion play in a firefight?

In my last answer I think I really hit this one; but also aiding those who had just tried to kill you, wounded you, or even have killed your friends. If you come across an injured insurgent during a fight compassion comes into play when you provide aid for that man who just tried to remove you from this earth.

I have engaged in reintegration talks with men who tried to kill me, wounded me, and killed those around me days after an attack. Compassion plays a very large role in my life right now.

How do you feel about the pacifist/anti-war/anti-military leanings of many convert Buddhist individuals and communities here in the states?

Although, I am in the military and currently serving another tour in Afghanistan it does not mean I am pro-war. The majority of my comrades and I are anti-war, for we bear the burden of war not only during the months for which we are deployed but for the rest of our lives. We bear both the emotional and physical injuries caused by the worst state of human affairs. I do not always agree with some of the policies and procedures, but ultimately we are working for peace. I feel that sometimes people forget that and Hollywood sensationalizes how Soldiers view war.

The book “War” by Sebastian Junger and the National Geographic special Restrepo both document an area of Afghanistan I spent a significant amount of time in. Both the book and the documentary portray the cost of war on those asked to fight it.

And here's a question from the Austin Zen Center Facebook page: How do you deal with a personal spiritual commitment to non-destruction and non-violence when your job requires you to destroy and sometimes to be violent? What do you do to promote kindness in such an unkind environment?

I am only called on to bring destruction and violence when my life or those lives around me are in immediate danger. I can reconcile with my personal spiritual commitment to non-destruction and non- violence when I look into someone’s face I have just saved and see the relief in their eyes, whether they are an American or Afghan Soldier or a civilian.

Do other soldiers know that you are Buddhist? What has been like for you to serve in an Army where Buddhists are a minority? Have you been able to connect with other Buddhist soldiers?

Most who I serve with know I am Buddhist. I have been asked many times about both yoga and meditation as a way to cope with the psychological factors of being in a state of constant conflict. I show other Soldiers meditation techniques such as vipassana in order to quell anxiety or assist with combat related sleep issues. I have connected with two military Buddhist chaplains, one of which has a Buddhist blog the Military Buddhist Sangha. He gave the great words from the Pure Land tradition after we lost two Soldiers earlier on during this tour.

Have the Army's chaplains been supportive of your Buddhist practice? (And from the AZC Facebook page...) Do you find the structured lifestyle of the military to be supportive of your Buddhist practice?

The Army’s chaplains are really the only ones who don’t know that I am Buddhist. I think they assume I am Christian. The Buddhist practice can work in the military lifestyle. All I need is a little time in the day for reflection and I can make that happen pretty much everyday. You make your practice work with the conditions you are given.

Let's pretend that this isn't going to be on my little Buddhist blog. Instead, it's going to be broadcast on every television and radio station and every major website, reaching nearly every citizen all across America. As a soldier serving overseas, what do you want to say to American civilians?

I would like to thank everyone in my family and my friends for their continued support. My wife and I are expecting our first child later this month. I will hopefully be home for the occasion.

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I want to comment on this:

The majority of my comrades and I are anti-war, for we bear the burden of war not only during the months for which we are deployed but for the rest of our lives.

When talking about war, it's important to remember that most of us (those reading and writing this blog) talk about it from a rather privileged perspective. We are privileged to live in a place and at a time where war does not constantly threaten our lives. We are privileged to live in a place and at a time where those of us who do not want to serve in the military - for whatever reason - are not required to. We are also privileged to have men like Lt. Hunnewell, men who wage our wars - in some sense - for us. As George Orwell said of the pacifist: "Those who 'abjure' violence can only do so because others are committing violence on their behalf." No matter our thoughts on war and violence, the truth is that we all benefit tremendously from certain forms and specific acts of violence.

That's all I've got from 1st Lt. Hunnewell. Let's all keep him, his wife, and their baby in our thoughts and prayers. Let's also remember the people of Afghanistan, who have lived with war for so, so long.

Peace on Earth!

Audio of a talk I gave at Austin Dharma Punx

2011-01-06T18:34:00.001-06:00

Clifford Still, 1957, from the SFMOMA

I gave a talk at the Austin Dharma Punx on December 19, 2010. If you're in Austin and you're looking for a friendly and informal forum for discussion of Buddhist practice, they meet on Sundays, at 11am, in the Austin Zen Center zendo.

It's hard to figure out a topic for a talk. This time I focused on impermanence and non-self, for no other reason than that I think it's important for practitioners to have at least a minimal understanding of these two points. I much prefer to have some great matter that I am directly working with in my practice as a subject, but sometimes that's just not how it is. I was happy enough with this talk, but I wasn't like, "Man, that was great," like I was with the one that I gave in August. It doesn't matter so much, though; the folks seemed to like it well enough, and that's who it was for. Still, I wish I could just THROW DOWN every single time anyone ever asked me to explain Buddhism! But what are you gonna do?

Click here to listen to this talk.

(Click here to listen to the better talk that I gave at the Dharma Punx in August.)

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PS: Still no word from the Lieutenant. I can imagine that my questions about his Buddhist practice might not be at the top of his priority list. He is in a combat situation, after all!

Preview of 1st Lt. Stephen J. Hunnewell

2010-12-28T16:09:00.007-06:00

Here is a video from a Boston TV news station, an interview with two-time Bronze Star recipient 1st Lt. Stephen J. Hunnewell, currently serving in Afghanistan. What isn't mentioned in the interview is that 1st Lt. Hunnewell is a Buddhist. Lucky for me, I get to interview him for this very blog, via the US Army's Operation Tribute to Freedom. I just sent off an email with several questions for him. Hopefully I will hear back from him soon, and I will get the post up as soon as possible. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Note on 1/31/11: I was told that this video was playing automatically. I don't know how to make it stop doing that, so I removed it. If you'd like to see the video, go here:

http://topics.myfoxboston.com/m/35954012/woburn-native-serving-in-afghanistan.htm

Confessing my Greed

2010-12-23T12:12:00.000-06:00

Bill Maher recently put this Christmas message on YouTube. He uses Oprah's "Favorite Things" episode, where she gives her audience a lot of really nice and rather expensive stuff, as a starting point for skewering American consumerism. It's about two minutes long and well worth your time.

"How could you look at this and not immediately know what, at the core, is so rotten about this country? This is our real religion: greed."

Now, let's say that the ladyfriend and I decided to take a trip to Chicago, and while there we got the chance to be in the studio audience for Oprah's show. I'm not particularly a fan of Oprah, but I bet being in her studio audience would be really fun. So imagine me sitting there and enjoying whatever pre-show stuff they do, reading the NYTimes on my cell phone, goofing around with Robin. Then Oprah comes out and tells the audience that it's the "Favorite Things" episode. I would be really happy about that! No, I would not freak out as they did in the video, but I would applaud, for sure, and I would gratefully and happily accept the iPad or whatever other nifty stuff Oprah offered. Some of it (such as the lady's sweater and the boxed maccaroni and cheese) I would probably give away as gifts. The iPad, however, I would keep. Those things are cool!

I want a lot of stuff. I might even be a greedy person. Here is a list of the stuff that I want, in no particular order:

1. The new iPod Nano (16GB), and one of those iPod speaker things.
2. A scooter or small motorcycle.
3. A good job that pays me decently, so that I can pay for all this crap.
4. My own apartment.
5. A couch.
6. A television and DVD player with decent speakers. (This kind of goes along with the couch.)
7. Several albums on iTunes.
8. A Droid phone, or perhaps the new iPhone.
9. Another pair of jeans just like my favorite pair of jeans.
10. Several books.
11. Some level of social status, stemming from the aforementioned good job and my involvement in my community.
12. The means to travel a bit.
13. Potted plants.
14. More followers on Twitter. (Pathetic, huh?)

I could probably make the list longer, but I think that gives you a good idea of the stuff I want, and how much of it there is. If I were to make the list reach to one hundred, and then get all one hundred over the course of 2011, I have no doubt that I would be able to make another list of one hundred things I want. There's no end to this kind of thing.

The issue, however, isn't that I want stuff. There's nothing wrong with wanting a couch and a good TV. I could watch nature shows on it, or invite friends over for movies - all good stuff. The issue is the suffering caused by wanting stuff. Perhaps we can say that when wanting stuff causes suffering, then it's called greed. I've definitely got a touch of that going on. Sometimes I find myself jealous of other people's jobs and success, which is certainly a form of suffering. Also, all these wants point to something rather basic; a sense of lack. If I knew in my bones that fundamentally I lack nothing, because there is only THIS, how would I live?

There's a cardinal right outside my window, chirping. Here's Shitou Xiquan (Jp., Sekito Kisen) (700-790), as quoted in Andy Ferguson's Zen's Chinese Heritage, a fine resource for any students of the Way.

My Dharma gate was first taught by former buddhas. I don't say you need to practice some advanced form of meditation. Just see what the Buddha saw. This mind is buddha mind. 'Buddha mind,' 'all beings,' 'wisdom,' and 'defilement,' the names of these things are different, but actually they are one body. You should each recognize your miraculous mind. Its essense is apart from temporary or everlasting. Its nature is without pollution or purity. It is clear and perfect. Common people and sages are the same. [This mind] reaches everywhere without limit. It is not constrained by the limits of consciousness. The three realms and six realms manifest from this mind. If [this mind] is like the moon reflected on water, where can there be creation or destruction? If you can comprehend this, then there is nothing you lack.

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On another note, I want to offer my congratulations to the Blogisattva Award winners, especially Maia Duerr, who got blog of the year for her excellent blog The Jizo Chronicles. I was really surprised and touched to be considered as a finalist in that category, and I think the judges made the right decision. Also, I've been surprised that some Buddhist bloggers are a little peeved about the Blogisattvas. The way I see it, the folks who organized it did a lot of work for something that only benefits the bloggers (bringing more attention to the blogs, and encouraging them to do a good job) and the readers (by exposing them to new blogs), and I think that is quite generous of them. Also, as nice as they are, the Blogisattvas really aren't that important. Sure, they might be a somewhat big deal in English language Buddhist blogging circles, but I have to wonder if it's really worth the risk of hurting someone's feelings over a project that's essentially done out of generosity and for a good time. Oh, well...

Blogisattva Award Finalist

2010-12-08T09:28:00.003-06:00

Hi, everyone! Today is turning into a fine day. Yesterday, I went to the UT library and borrowed Jawbox's self-titled 1996 release, which I am listening to right now. I think the last I heard this was maybe twelve years ago, and they're one of my favorite rock bands, so it's really nice to hear this. I'm listening to it right now. Later this afternoon, I have an interview for a pretty cool job, so keep your finger's crossed.

The big news in my world today, however, is that The Big Old Oak Tree, the blog you are reading at this very moment, is a finalist for the 2010 Blogisattva Awards, in the "Blog of the year, Svaha!" category. The esteemed-in-certain-Buddhist-circles judges went through hundreds of nominations and narrowed it down to these finalists. If you're one of my readers who nominated me, thank you so much! If you're looking to spend even more time on the internet, you might want to check out these blogs, as they're all quite well done. And if you want to spend even more time on the internet, you can look at their exhaustive blog directory, which includes dharmic podcasts.

The Blogisattva folks did a really nice job on this, and I sincerely hope that all their work pays off in the form of more people getting exposed to all the well-done blogs out there, and more people getting inspired to take up the Buddha's practice of liberation.

Personally, I am really surprised and touched to be chosen as a finalist. I feel kind of sheepish writing about this here... but come on! This is pretty neat!

The New Buddhist Wall Calendar

2010-11-28T18:50:00.006-06:00

Ain't he cute?!

Today I was in a store and there was a rack of wall calendars. One of them was the "Pema Chodron: Awakening The Heart, 2011 Calendar." It caught my eye because of the nice cover picture, a tiny frog sitting in the middle of the flower. (Or maybe it was an average-sized frog sitting in a huge flower. Who can tell?) You've probably seen these kinds of calendars. Each month features a beautiful photo of an a photogenic animal (as opposed to, say, a leach) or a fantastic landscape, and a few inspiring lines of teachings from the likes of Pema Chodron. I guess it's nice and all, and I certainly can see the appeal of having a nice picture to look at when you're filling in your schedule. I wonder, though, if these calendars - and similar products - might have the effect of promoting the idea that Buddhist practice is all about finding some inner "happy place," visualizing kittens playing in rainbows, sitting in lotus posture next to a koi pond and stone garden, avoiding suffering by running off to some mountain monastery (I assure you, it won't work), maintaining some ideal purity of spirit above the filth of day-to-day life.

In case you might not know, that's not what it's about. On the contrary, it's quite the opposite. Buddhist practice is about maintaining intimacy with our true nature, in every situation. Usually, we're not looking at a tiny frog in a flower, or viewing the vista from a mountaintop. Rather, we're looking for a new job, disagreeing with a friend, doing the laundry, shopping for groceries. Pretty mundane stuff. And then there's the more disturbing stuff. Driving through - or perhaps living in - an impoverished neighborhood, witnessing - or being the victim of - police brutality, seeing something disturbing, doing something disturbing.... In such situations, where's your true nature? Do you stay close to your life, or draw away?

It's comparatively easy to maintain this sense of intimacy - if not real intimacy itself - in peaceful situations and settings, but it's the mundane or unpleasant that really test us. To that, end, I offer the following inspiring images and dharma teachings as the starting point for the new Buddhist wall calendar. Let me know if you think anyone would buy such a calendar. Could be the next big Buddhist money-maker! (This is all kind of tongue-in-cheek, in case you can't tell...)

‎"The most important belief we should have is belief in nothing. To believe in nothing is to believe in everything. First of all, we should believe in nothing," (Suzuki Roshi).

"Wisdom is seeing deeply into life. This means that we do not assume that we are alive only by our own effort, but we see that we live by the efforts of all other beings," (Katagiri Roshi).

"The struggle between good and evil is the primal disease of the mind," (Xinxinming).

"If you want to study Buddhism, you have to clear your mind. You should not have any prejudice. You should forget all you have learned before,"

(Suzuki Roshi).

"Our mind is not living in this body. Our mind is not living in this skull. The skull is just like a radio apparatus. Our mind is always living in the Great Universe," (Sokei-an Shigetsu Sasaki Roshi).

Conservative & Liberal Buddhism

2010-11-26T12:05:00.000-06:00

Someone recently tweeted this article about abortion reform in Thailand. (I can't remember who. If it was you, thanks!) For those of you who haven't been following abortion laws in Thailand, it turns out that movements to liberalize abortion law have met with resistance from the monastic sangha, "a socially conservative force."

From the Guardian:

Thai Buddhism has also had a key political role in maintaining current abortion laws, which have remained unchanged since 1956. Public discussions on reform began in the 1970s and culminated in 1981 by passing of amendment in the House of Representatives. This proposed widening the legality of abortion to include considerations of mental wellbeing, congenital abnormalities and some cases of contraceptive failure. However, Major General Chamlong Srimuang mobilised a powerful religious coalition to successfully lobby against the amendment.
Chamlong's intervention marked a more overt role for Buddhism in politics. He is a member of the Buddhist movement Santi Asoke, whose founder, Phra Phothirak, challenged the idea that Thai monks should not comment on contemporary social issues. Phothirak believed that monks had a duty to speak out to oppose abortion as the killing of human life, arguing that "those who say they are religious but who don't say anything don't know about religion or morality".
The Santi Asoke sect, which broke away from the Buddhist sangha in 1989, has been described as "radical Buddhism" for its anti-modernist conservatism and strict monastic codes. Chamlong, now a leading political figure, is responsible for the political wing of the Santi Asoke movement. For these followers, abortion is linked to the influence of western promiscuity and is "un-Buddhist, anti-religious and therefore un-Thai".
Members from the mainstream Buddhist sanga also continue to oppose the liberalisation of abortion laws. After a conference in 2006 where NGOs called for the wider legalisation of abortion, a monk named Phra Mahamanoj responded: "We Buddhists … firmly disagree with legal abortion and the destruction of life. If you don't want something to happen, don't do it."

Here in Western Buddhist circles, there is a lot of talk about "engaged Buddhism," applying dharmic insights to contemporary issues of social and environmental justice. Numerous organizations have sprung up around this movement, including the Buddhist Peace Fellowship, Zen Peacemaker Order, and the Amida Trust. Sanghas that don't identify as strongly with this movement often take part in various projects, inspired by the teachings of engaged Buddhism.

However, I think you might have a hard time finding an "enagaged Buddhist" Westerner who would stand with the Santi Asoke sect and the mainstream Thai sangha in opposing the liberalization of abortion laws in the US. Most of the projects of Western engaged Buddhist organizations would be considered politically left; nuclear disarmament, environmental conservation, prison reform, indigenous rights.

So what's going on? Why is it that Buddhism in Thailand, and in other traditionally Buddhist nations, has become a force for social conservatism, while all us Western Buddhists are reading the Huffington Post and voting for the Green Party? It could be that, over the course of more than a thousand years, Buddhism over there has lost its fire and become stagnant. And here in the West however, we're in touch with the living flame of the Buddha's revolutionary teachings. That seems to be the story told by most of the mainstream Western (that is, white) Buddhist media, I think. I wonder, though, if that is really how it is. Perhaps what's actually happening is that politically liberal Westerners are using Buddhist teachings as a justification for their political views. Or perhaps not. Or perhaps both. I'm not sure.

The point I am trying to make is that there is no "Buddhist" politics. As long as there is more than one Buddhist in the world, there will be a multiplicity of political views within the Buddhist community. Let's say there is an elderly Buddhist Chinese gentleman living down the street from me. There's a good chance that he and I don't really see eye to eye on certain political issues, and that my views might be more in line with the BPF than his views. Does this mean that he's not quite Buddhist, or that my Buddhism is more vital than his? I don't think so.

For more (and better) commentary on these and similar issues, check out Angry Asian Buddhist.

I did guru yoga: a black robe checks out the black hat.

2010-11-22T22:23:00.000-06:00

His Holiness the 16th Karmapa, Rangjung Rigpe Dorje

As regular readers of this blog know, I just moved to Rob and Anne's place, and they live right down the street from Diamond Way Buddhist Meditation Center. It's a meditation center in the lineage of the 17th Karmapa.

Since it's less than a ten minute walk away, I figured I should go check out their meditation meeting. There was some nice folks there, all of them about my age, which was nice. I always like meeting other young practitioners. (Don't get me wrong, I like meeting practitioners of all ages, but it's nice nonetheless.) A fellow named Chris gave a short introduction to Diamond Way Buddhism, and then we did a guided meditation. You can read the whole thing over there, but I'll go over some of it here.

The meditation was very different from the kind of meditation that I am used to. Rather than bringing one's attention to the full body-mind experience of upright sitting, as we do in my style of Zen, we were instructed to bring to mind an image of "the golden, transparent form of the 16th Karmapa - a radiant field of energy and light." From there, we visualized light streaming from the Karmapa's head, throat, and heart, to our head, throat, and heart, "blessing" the body, speech, and mind.

Then there was this:

Now, all three lights enter us at the same time. Clear light fills our head, red light our throat and blue light our heart center. Thus we obtain the essential state of the Great Seal. [I'm pretty sure that's mahamudra.] While receiving the lights, we may use the mantra KARMAPA CHENNO. It means power of all Buddhas work through us. We repeat it loudly or inwardly.

In front, Karmapa's golden form and his Black Crown dissolve into rainbow light. It falls on us, is everywhere and all form disappears. There is now only awareness, with no center or limit. (Pause)

Thoughts and phenomena are the free play of space.

Pretty good, huh? Until we got to this part, I wasn't that into it. But then it gets even better:

Now our surroundings, this world and all worlds appear, perfect and pure. Every atom vibrates with joy and is kept together by love. Everything is fresh and meaningful, radiant with unlimited potential. Beings manifest, near and far. They are female or male Buddhas, whether they know it or not. Sounds are mantras and all thoughts wisdom, for the sole reason that they can happen.

We feel our own body condense out of space. It is power and joy. Something essential has happened. Before, we WERE our body and thus vulnerable to old age, sickness, death and loss. Now we HAVE our body. Body and speech are conscious tools for benefiting others. Our true essence, and we know that now, is the clear awareness just experienced. It was also present when there was no form.

We decide to keep this understanding in all life's situations and wish that the good impressions that just appeared become limitless. May they bring all beings the only lasting joy, that of knowing mind.

another karmapa on a thangka

Based on my limited exposure to the Diamond Way teachings, they seem to be very much into awakening to the mind's true nature. In the Zen school, we practice with formless meditation; sitting in a specific posture with awareness itself as the object of meditation. To do this with nothing held back is called "forgetting the self," a moral transformation not limited by any limited notion of morality - a bodhisattvic transformation.

In the guru yoga meditation at Diamond Way, awakening to the mind's true nature is done imaginitatively through visualizing the 16th Karmapa in an idealized form. The idea seems to be that since he woke up, then imaging him can help us to wake up, also. Now, this is not too far from the understanding of the Zen schools. In Soto Zen, we have what's called Dharma Transmission. In its most formal sense, without getting to into the details that I really don't know too much about, Dharma transmission is when an awakened teacher verifies the awakening of the disciple, and the disciple is then empowered as a full-fledged teacher. I find it interesting that this guru yoga takes the veneration of the teacher and plugs it right into the center of the meditative practice. I think you would be hard-pressed to find a Zen teacher who would recommend visualizing the teacher during meditating, but don't we do it at other times? Here in my room, I have two images of Shakyamuni (each with golden skin), one of Avalokitesvara, and another a sword-wielding Manjusri. There have been times when I've had pictures of Dogen, Suzuki Roshi, and my teacher, Kosho, on my altar.

I thought it was neat to go to a Karma Kagyu place, having met the 17th Karmapa in Bodh Gaya last December. But, it turns out that the poor Karma Kagyu folks have some kind of disagreement going about who is the real reincarnation of the 16th Karmapa, and I met the wrong one, according to Diamond Way. It's pretty unfortunate, if you ask me. I kind of doubt that it really affects the practice at Austin's Diamond Way place, though. As Chris said, "They'll figure it out eventually." If you really, really want to read about it, there are all sorts of sites like this one, but I found them quite boring. :-) If you're into sectarian bickering, though, go for it! (Maybe I shouldn't say bickering, though; I don't know anything about it, and it may be quite important.)

Since I don't want to leave this on a sour note, let's see what Obaku, Rinzai's teacher, has to say about awakening to the true nature of mind:

Huang Po (Jp., Obaku)

From Gautama Buddha down through the whole line of patriarchs to Bodhidharma, none preached aught besides the One Mind, other wise known as the Sole Vehicle of Liberation. Hence , though you search throughout the whole universe, you will never find another vehicle. Nowhere has this teaching leaves or branches; its one quality is eternal truth... This teaching is called the GReat Wat. The very nature of the Great Way is voidness of opposition. Bodhidharma firmly believed in being ONE WITH THE REAL 'SUBSTANCE' OF THE UNIVERSE IN THIS LIFE! Mind and the 'substance' do not differ one jot - that 'substance' is Mind. They cannot possibly be separated. It was for this revelation that he earned the title of the Patriarch of our sect, and therefore it is written: 'The moment of realizing the unity of Mind and the 'substance' which constitutes reality may truly be said to baffle description.' (From the classic, The Zen Teaching of Huang Po: On the transmission of Mind, trans. John Blofeld)

Whether you know THIS through visualizing the Karmapa, sitting in formless meditation, or petting a cat, the result, I think, is the same. How could our true nature be beholden to any particular practice?

Meditating On My Own

2010-11-20T14:37:00.001-06:00

FedEx just dropped by and delivered my new zafu from Samadhi Cushions. Traditionally, zafus are all black, but I decided to go a little crazy and get mine made with a denim top and bottom. The sides are black, but the top and bottom looks very much like faded blue jeans. If I ever go on a retreat, I'll be able to pick mine out from the crowd, and if I ever go anywhere it's required to have an all black cushion, I can just get another cover for it from the folks at Samadhi. It has a brown zipper around the bottom, and the zipper tab tucks into one of the pleats. I'm really happy with this zafu. It has a little tag on it that reads,

"... and there Gautama made a seat of soft kusha grass at the foot of a pipal tree... sat down and resolved not to stir from that seat until he had attained enlightenment." -from Ashvagosa's Buddhacharita (The Life of the Buddha) circa 100 A.D.

I think that's a nice touch.

Like I said in an earlier post, I've never owned a meditation cushion before. But Trevor, you might be thinking, You're a Zen priest with nearly seven years of steady practice under your belt. How is it that you've never owned a cushion before? Well, I started practicing with Kyoki Roberts of Deep Spring Temple in Pittsburgh, PA is January of 2004. I did most of my meditating at home, sitting on a seat of soft kusha grass... Ha! I kid. It was a folded up blanket. Then in April of 2004, I moved to Tassajara, where the zendo (meditation hall) was well-stocked with zafu, just like all the temples I've practiced at. So I never needed to buy one.

a lousy photo of my new zafu &
my not new Buddha statue

And you know what else? I'm pretty sure the only time I've meditated outside of the zendo, since leaving Pittsburgh, was the final night of my first sesshin in 2004, when I sat outside all night and saw a lot of shooting stars. And that was probably one of five or so instances where I meditated by myself. Like most of the people at these temples, I just sat when the schedule told me to sit, and that was it.

Generally, the understanding was that the practice of living at a temple was to follow the schedule completely, without adding or subtracting anything. One wouldn't want to try to be a better Zen student by sitting more, as that would be the ego trying to assert itself. Nor would one try to worm one's way out of following the schedule, which would be another expression of ego. There were times when this understanding was a little different, such as during sesshin, when there would be forms around "optional night sitting" - like not wearing your kesa or rakusu (Buddha's robe).

Different teachers approach this in different ways, however. During my time at City Center, I lived down the hall from a priest named Daigaku Rumme. Daigaku is a disciple of Sekkei Harada Roshi. He spent 27 years at Harada Roshi's temple, Hosshinji, which is probably the world record for any Westerner living at an Eastern monastery. Daigaku told me that folks were encouraged to do zazen outside of the schedule. The understanding there, if I understood Daigaku correctly, was that you're there to do zazen, so if you have the time and energy and inclination, do as much zazen as you can!

The Buddhist traditions seems to have everything when it comes to where and how to meditate. In some traditions, meditation is a solitary pursuit, done in isolation. In others, you only meditate with a group. Sometimes retreats are solitary, and other times retreats are very communal. Sometimes you sit for twenty minutes, sometimes for an hour, sometimes for days. Sometimes you absolutely do not move, and sometimes you don't move, but if you move that's ok. [Here are my thoughts on moving.]

I'm still in the midst of figuring out what my zazen practice will look like now that I'm not living at the temple. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to do anything crazy like listen to music while sitting, or sitting with my eyes closed. I imagine I'll wear my rakasu. Probably won't wear my kesa, as I really should put on the whole getup if I'm going to wear the kesa, and I don't particularly want to do that.

Now isn't this interesting: "I don't particularly want to do that." Hmmm... You see, in years past, this wouldn't have even come up in regards to my zazen practice. If I didn't particularly want to wear my kesa or my robes or go to zazen or bow when appropriate, it didn't really matter. I just did it, bada bing bada boom, more or less. Now, though, there isn't a schedule or a teacher or a community around, so what I want to do and what I don't want to do will have something to do with my practice. The issue, it seems, will be to balance three things:

What I want.
What the practice demands.
What my role as a priest demands.

I'm not sure where I will end up, but I trust that if I go at it in an open-hearted manner, I'll settle into something good. I feel like I can have faith that this will happen because meditators have been dealing with these same issues for thousands of years.

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The Online Meditation Crew has developed an interesting way to meditate with others while meditating alone.
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Incidentally, Daigaku is now the Bishop of Soto Zen mission in North America. I'm not sure what his exact title is, but he's the abbot of Zenshuji in Los Angeles. You can read an interesting interview with Bishop Daigaku here. At the very end, he says this:

It brings to mind the famous story of Kyogen, the Chinese priest who gave up, who thought to himself, "No, I'll never make it here," at a certain monastery where he'd been for ten years. "No, I'm just never going to get it," he thought, and went off to live on his own and gave up on practicing. He just lived his everyday life wholeheartedly, which is another definition of practice. Then, one day while he was sweeping, a rock hit a piece of bamboo, and when Kyogen heard that sound he became enlightened. [Emphasis mine.]